the winter i turned intelligent: chapter 10 (pt. 2)

Important Note from Dreamy Plots & Story Talks: This story contains suggestive language and sexual content and is only suitable for readers that are 18+.

Chapter 10 (part 2):

Jeremiah’s POV (continued):

Belly looked nervous as she explained, “I just told her how I felt that she also liked Jeremiah.” Conrad looked pissed, but she continued before he could say anything. “But I was wrong. I misread it all, I’m sorry to both of you.”

Conrad looked at me first to my surprise, “Did you ever like her, Jere? I don’t understand what’s even happening right now.”

I defended, “No, of course not.”

Belly added, “I shouldn’t have interfered. I’m really sorry.”

Conrad finally looked at Belly, “Yeah, you shouldn’t have interfered.” 

Belly tried to make it better, but it just sounded worse, “I thought I was looking out for you because I didn’t want you to get hurt.”

Conrad’s voice grew a little louder, “Bullshit Belly, you were just looking out for yourself.”

“Hey.” I didn’t like how he was speaking to her, but I also understood why he was mad.

Conrad paused before continuing, “You couldn’t just let me be happy for once. Did it bother you that it finally had nothing to do with you? But see that’s the thing, it’s always been about you. Everything has always been about you. I get if you had this grudge against me from before, but I’ve tried my best to prove to you my apology from before was sincere. If you were really looking out for me or even for Jeremiah, you would have told us both exactly how you were feeling. Instead, you went behind our backs and said more than you probably just told us now to someone else. Is this going to happen every time from now on?”

Belly looked frustrated as well, “What? No.”

Conrad got up, “I have to go.”

 “Connie, we all drove together,” I didn’t blame him though for not wanting to be here with us.   

He added sarcastically, “No problem, I’ll walk,” and then he got up from the booth without saying another word and left the diner.  

Conrad’s POV: 

After walking a block, I checked my phone, and it was a quarter to 11. If I left right now, I could make it in time to watch some of her practice. Natasha had told me how her practice was usually in the early morning, but the past two weeks she had told me previously that it was from 9:30-11:30. I took an Uber to the rink, but when I got there, it was already 11:25, and I knew I’d missed it.

I wondered if the rink was even open since it was New Year’s Day. It didn’t look busy so I was convinced it was closed. I was surprised when I noticed the doors were unlocked. I went to the side of the rink that I heard music coming from, but as soon as I got inside, it was silent. I waited by the exit and heard music continue after a few minutes.  

I believed Jeremiah, but now I questioned if Natasha liked him. I never got the impression that she did, but maybe I had been distracted by my feelings for her? Nevertheless, I had the chance to see if this had just been a result of miscommunication. I wanted to believe that if Belly hadn’t spoken to her, she wouldn’t have ended things.  

Natasha’s POV: 

My coach Marguerite and I were very close even though she was hard on me as well. The first thing that I had told her before practice started this morning was about the breakup. She consoled me for a moment, but soon enough reminded me how it was better this way.

She also agreed with my parents about not dating anyone while I was competing. At the end of practice, she reiterated her point, “It’s good you won’t have any distractions now. Your skating will thank you later. Don’t forget to stretch. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She gave me a hug and left the rink.

I was relieved that Marguerite hadn’t called me out for omitting the last jump in my practice routine for the day. Before she had arrived earlier this morning, I kept losing my balance during that last jump. 

After she left, I practiced the routine again on my own without Mateo. I tried but failed to block out my thoughts as I moved across the ice.

I spent the entire New Year’s Eve at my aunt’s house second guessing my decision. I missed Conrad, the way I knew I would have once it ended. I didn’t deserve him though.

Having practice on New Year’s Day and most other holidays was routine for me. This year, however, I felt the lonesomeness on a level that I hadn’t experienced before.   

I was missing jumps that I’d memorized by heart. My ambition for the sport was fading at the hands of a relationship that would have never gotten me anywhere.

I wasn’t spending as much time with my sister recently because I didn’t want to ruin her relationship at the expense of my desolation. She was the person I would have turned to for advice in these situations, yet this time I felt like I couldn’t.

I only had myself right now, but even I was getting tired of hearing how I sounded. My family was hard on me, but I was the hardest on myself. I knew it was out of character for me to have continued to date a guy that I knew had a complicated history with his ex. The minute I first found out that they were brothers, I should have run. I held out hope without knowing who I really wanted. When I realized what I wanted, I knew I could never have it.

Back to Conrad’s POV:

I didn’t expect Natasha to skate like this. She kept falling and then mumbling to herself. For someone that always looked confident, I was taken aback by her mannerisms of defeat. Even when we had skated together the other night, she had better balance than this. Maybe I had been a distraction to her?

It was a good thing that she couldn’t see me from the exit. The last thing I wanted to do was to make her feel embarrassed on top of the frustration she must have been experiencing right now. When I noticed her skating partner Mateo walk through the other set of doors, I quietly left the rink. I didn’t want either of them to see me, not anymore.

It was clear to me how much this meant to her. Skating was her priority, and watching her now had revealed the truth to me. Whether or not there was someone else was irrelevant. It would’ve been futile for me to compete with her dream.

Back to Natasha’s POV: 

I gave the final jump another try. As my skates gained enough momentum against the friction of the ice, I leaped forward and instead landed on my side. “Fuck!” 

I was too pissed to cry and too overwhelmed to get back up.

Being distracted in this sport could bring along serious injuries, so I knew I had to get my shit together. I decided to try the jump one last time because the more I fell, the more I was fueled to finish the landing with no errors. I pushed my weight against the ice to get back up on my feet.

Before I had a chance to try the jump again, Mateo’s voice startled me from the bleachers, “You’re not focused.”

I wasn’t in the mood for his remarks, “Yeah no shit.” I changed my mind and decided to try the jump again tomorrow. The pressure of him standing there only added to my distraction. I took off my skates by the bleachers and wore my ballet slippers for my stretches.

Mateo stretched beside me, “Don’t let that asshole get to you. He’s not worth it.”

I massaged my hip that was sore from all the jumps, “Conrad isn’t an asshole.”

His tone grew sarcastic, “I wasn’t talking about him.” 

I looked up at him from my seat wondering where he was going with this, “What?” 

He could tell that I was more invested in our conversation now, “How many years have we known each other?”

I rolled my eyes inside at his need to be dramatic and take forever to get to his point, “Too many.”

What he said next left me floored, “I know you liked the other guy, the one you conveniently never told me the name of.”

I wondered if anyone else had noticed this if he had, “I told you we don’t talk about our dating lives, that’s why you didn’t know the other guy’s name.” 

Mateo mockingly laughed, “Classic Tasha answer... we both know you didn’t tell me because the other guy is the one you actually cared about, but I promise you he’s not worth it.”

Not that I cared about his opinion, but I was still curious to know what he meant by that, “How would you know? I wouldn’t exactly take your standards with great heart...”

He looked at me with this facial expression that made me feel dumb, “Because of how he made you feel.”

That hit me harder than I had anticipated, “I did this to myself.”

He snorted, “Wow.”

I was beginning to get annoyed, “What? What is it now?” 

“He must have been smoother than I thought with you taking away any accountability from him,” I should have listened to Mateo more often because at least a lot of what he said made sense. He continued, “He might have been nice for the girl that he was with, but that wasn’t you, so what difference does it make? If at the end of the day, all the nice things he’s doing is for someone else and not you, well you get the idea, the right guy-”

I deflected, “The right guy doesn’t exist.”

He rolled his eyes and in a playful yet condescending way added, “You’re really bringing down my mood. I was having a really good day until this you know.”

I got up and packed my skates into my workout bag, “Oh I’m sorry to inconvenience your perfect day.” He was already by the exit, so I followed.

He ignored my comment and changed the subject, “You still remember our dance from freshman year?” 

“What does that have to do with anything?” We walked outside of the rink, and I was confused why he was heading the opposite direction from the parking lot.

He looked and sounded as calm as he usually was, “relax, just trust me.”

I quickly realized he was going to the ballet studio a block down. That’s where we would practice a lot of our dancing before we’d perform the routine on the ice.

When we got there, there was only one class occurring, and the rest of the studios were empty, which I assumed was because it was a holiday.

Mateo chose the smaller one, but I was still confused as to what he was trying to do, so I asked again, “we’ve practiced a lot today, so I don’t think doing it all again in ballet flats is going to make much of a difference.”

He pressed his fingers against his eyes and then added, “Could you just relax for one second?”

“I am relaxed,” I insisted even though I wasn’t.

He nodded mockingly, “Yeah, I can tell...you know what your problem is? You’ve forgotten why you even like to skate. When we first became partners over ten years ago, I never imagined that someone else would like skating more than I did.” 

I interrupted, “That was before there was any pressure.” 

He clarified, “Pressure will always be there especially when you’re competing at this level, it’s normal. You’re just approaching it differently.”

I sarcastically added, “If you’re so intelligent, how should I approach it then?” 

The familiar track began in the background as he started doing random dance moves, which I assumed was to make me laugh. I shook my head, “you look ridiculous.”

He smirked, “you look more ridiculous than me complaining every two seconds,” he kept dancing and then added, “I know you remember the dance.”

I joined the dance only to show him the correct way to perform it, “You’re doing all the steps wrong.”

“There’s nothing that turns me on more than when you tell me I’m doing something wrong,” he started doing the correct moves that we had learned years ago.

 I knew this was Mateo just being Mateo, but I wondered if I had blushed because as soon as he said that something in my stomach turned.

The music was longer than the choreography, so at the end he moved behind me, “okay see, your arms are too stiff, relax.” My body tensed up and then relaxed at his familiar touch.

I didn’t realize just how stiff I not only looked but also felt until he had pointed it out, “this will help your landing, posture’s everything.” 

He helped lift me as if I was performing the jump on the ice, “don’t arch your back, that’s what’s causing your fall.” I looked at the mirror and sure enough my back was slightly bent when I was going in for the jump.  

Mateo let go as I performed the jump, and when I landed, he placed his right palm at the arch of my lower back and his left palm on my stomach, “just a slight arch, here.” He removed his hands, but the shivers down my spine still lingered, “There, that’s perfect. You did it.” 

I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction, but he was right about everything, “thank you for this, I really needed it, even though I had no idea that I did.”

“Don’t get used to it.” With that I knew classic Mateo was back.  

We practiced our entire dance including the jump again, and this time my posture had changed everything. The routine ended the same way as usual where our foreheads would join. I heard the sound of his breath more than my own as he added with his forehead still slightly against mine, “now just do that on the ice and you got the gold.”

I took the opportunity to tease, “I didn’t know you had this side of you where you’re this gentleman all of a sudden.”

He moved his forehead away first.

I realized I had projected my earlier feelings of self-doubt and frustration onto him, and I immediately felt bad for saying that after hearing his response, “yeah, well, I’m sure it was a surprise that I wasn’t just another asshole.” 

Something in the air felt awkward because we were friends but not best friends. We didn’t ever really share too many sentimental moments together, but when it counted, we had each other’s backs.

For a moment, I appreciated his character because a second later he looked laid back again and added, “let’s go before they kick us out since there’s another class in here in less than an hour.”

Belly’s POV: 

I was still shocked from the entire conversation between Jeremiah, Conrad, and me because there was a lot to process from it. So, I started with this, “I’m really sorry Jere, I promise I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone.”

He sighed softly and then looked at me with a small smile, “I know, it’s okay.” 

“Okay.” I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, and it didn’t. 

He put his arm around my shoulders to my surprise, “Besides, it was a little cute that you got jealous.” 

I was surprised by his reaction, “So you’re not mad?” 

“Mad? Not really, I’m a little annoyed, but I know you meant well.” He looked more frustrated when Conrad was here, but looking into his eyes at this moment, it seemed as though he genuinely wasn’t bothered by what I had said.  

Then he added, “I’m sorry again for not telling you about me asking out Natasha. I promise you it meant nothing to me, so I didn’t even think I needed to bring it up but given the context of it all especially with Conrad, I should have told both of you, starting with you first.”

My mind was focused on more than one thing at the moment, so even though I was affected by that, I replied, “It’s okay, I understand.” Then I remembered how mad Conrad had looked before he left, “Conrad hasn’t looked that angry since-” 

He tried to reassure me, “He’ll be fine, and like you said last night, they could get back together, especially after you explained that.”

 “Yeah, I guess you’re right,” I doubted it though.

I didn’t expect Jeremiah to react the way he had. I was surprised he wasn’t as mad. Selfishly, the first thing I had thought of was why he was so okay with all of this and not angrier. If anyone was the insecure one here, it was me. My doubts almost costed me two relationships. I had this sense of unease, and I was worried it wouldn’t go away.  

On the ride back, I peered out the window at the town streets that were growing less festive by the day. Almost every other block had removed their holiday lights, and there were no more distractions left for me to rely on. I had a lot to think about.