the winter i turned intelligent: chapter 13 (pt. 1)
Important Note from Dreamy Plots & Story Talks: This story contains suggestive language and sexual content and is only suitable for readers that are 18+.
Chapter 13 (part 1):
Conrad’s POV:
If couples annoyed me before, they were even more annoying now. Instead for a completely different reason. I tried to study in the campus’ park, but it was almost impossible to focus on anything when surrounded by people who are in love. When you’re on the receiving end of a breakup, it feels even emptier especially when you didn’t see it coming. At all.
What’s worse is when you find out that the person you created in your head was far from the one that broke your heart. I had to give Natasha credit for her honesty. But honestly? I think she handled most of how everything ended terribly. I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. But given how I barely knew enough about her, it was difficult for me to empathize with her situation. What I mostly experienced was inconsistent communication.
I still remembered the panic that filled me when I heard about her injury. I drove all the way to her house as soon as Jeremiah had texted me what happened. I wasn’t at Yale that day, but I was still about two hours away. Still sitting in my car, I had texted her asking if she was okay. I saw her type a few minutes later. I didn’t leave my screen. But when she stopped typing without sending a reply after a good fifteen minutes, I drove back. I felt like she needed someone to be there with her. Unfortunately, I learned that person wasn’t me.
I gave her some space before reaching out again. Two weeks later, I called her once and then messaged her letting her know how I was worried about her. Since Jeremiah and Belly had told me that she stopped seeing them both. None of it made any sense. The thought of someone else being on her mind hadn’t occurred to me. I only cared about how she was feeling. I couldn’t say that I wasn’t a little pissed when she ignored my second effort to check on her. A month after she replied with: ‘Hey, I’m fine. Thanks for your message.’
After seeing her response, I wished she hadn’t replied. At least that way I could have convinced myself that she never got the message or anything else really. Seeing those words made me even more frustrated. More so with myself for still caring when she clearly hadn’t. She probably never really did. Despite everything that I learned and also just said, I still missed her when I was reminded of her.
Jeremiah’s POV:
Ever since we went to the flower shop in Paris on Valentine’s Day a few days ago, Belly wouldn’t stop mentioning how much she wanted to go back. This time she picked an entire bouquet of soft pink peonies tied with a lavender ribbon. After walking pretty much to most places in the city, we decided to bike to the Seine River with our hard-boiled egg sandwiches, a large bottle of champagne, and fresh flowers in the baskets of our bikes.
It was the sunniest day so far where not one cloud was visible in the bright blue sky. As I poured the champagne in our tiny plastic cups Belly groaned, “Paris has ruined baguettes for me.”
“Is it that good?” I took a bite and couldn’t remember the last time where I had bread this fresh before. “Okay. Maybe we can take some back with us?”
“Unless we can take at least a suitcase full of them back, I might cry.”
I laughed and smiled simultaneously knowing how happy Belly looked on this trip that was so last minute where it almost didn’t happen. I was grateful that it did.
She didn’t stop there. “Seriously though, how are we supposed to just go back after trying all of this food. The pastries, Jere, the pastries!!”
“I’ll bake you whatever you want when we’re back. You name it.”
“I appreciate the ambition babe, I really do. It’s not the same though.”
“Hey. You love my lemon tarts.”
She grinned, “They’re nice. Yeah.”
“What do you mean ‘they’re nice?’ What’s wrong with them?”
“Nothing. They’re just a little too tart. But I still love them.” She pretended to console me after seeing me look shocked, disappointed, and amused at the same time.
When she kissed me, I almost dropped my sandwich until she let go and added, “There. Do you feel better now?”
“Almost. But not quite.” I smiled into her lips shortly before going back to our food.
We took in the view of the small boats traveling through the calm river as its water glowed from the sunset.
Despite the beautiful distraction, I still managed to hear Belly’s voice. “I don’t want to go back.”
“Me neither.” I added as her head rested on my right shoulder.
On our plane ride back the following day, we all somehow got seats next to each other. So it was almost impossible to avoid hearing Taylor talk all about her engagement. Ever since Steven proposed to her a few nights ago, she found a way to bring up the topic in some form or another even if it wasn’t relevant. You would think that Steven would have become tired of it by now, but he also joined and added to her conversations when she brought it up. The latest was to the couple sitting on the opposite side of their seats.
I turned to Belly to my left, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Taylor this happy. Even after she met Harry Styles at that concert you two went too.”
She joked, “Same with Steven. This is the nicest he’s ever been to me.”
When Taylor and Steven are done talking about their engagement news I playfully voiced, “You forgot to tell the couple in front of you about it still.”
Steven sarcastically added, “Okay. Okay, sorry that we’re in love.”
Belly pretended to be grossed out by his words, “Who are you, and what have you done with my brother?”, to which he scoffed.
About halfway through the flight, Steven turned to me, “Hey Jere. I was wondering if you wanted to be my best man at our wedding?”
I was shocked. “Me?”
He replied with some laughter, “Yeah. You know you’re Taylor’s favorite.”
“I’m flattered. But I respectfully don’t think that I should.”
He looked very confused. “Why?”
“I know you and Conrad are really close. I wouldn’t want anything to make it weird again. You should choose him or someone else if you want.” I didn’t want our relationships to feel like some big competition the way they used to feel often when we were younger. It wasn’t worth it anymore.
He intentionally directed his attention to Belly who was trying to act like she wasn’t listening, while touching my arm, “Okay Belly. I get it now.”
Belly kissed my cheek. “It’s a good thing that I got it a long time ago.”
“That was so cheesy. Wow. I love you though.”
“I love you.” She brushed her nose against mine.
She fell asleep shortly after that. Although Taylor was asleep during this entire conversation. It must have been all of that engagement talk.
As amazing as spending time in Paris was, it was comforting to be home again. Belly and Hazel were playing this new game where Belly would hide but noticeably enough for Hazel to still find her, and Hazel could not get enough of this game. It made me emotional knowing that in a week I wouldn’t get to see Belly for about the next three months.
My internship in London started on Wednesday, one that I was grateful that she helped me find. When she was on her business trip to London last fall, she referred my resume to the business management team at a technology company that I was hoping to work for one day. I thought the role would be located somewhere here in North Carolina or even be remote.
The only downside of it was that it was thousands of miles away from Belly. Of course we would have FaceTime, but it wasn’t the same as kissing her goodnight or seeing her smile in person.
I didn’t want to get too ahead of myself. After all, we still had a few days left together before my flight. Besides, I can’t be sad when Belly and Hazel are having the time of their lives.
I looked at Belly in awe, “You know Hazel loves you even more than me now, right?”
She joined me on the couch with Hazel following after her immediately. “That would never be possible.”
I directed my attention towards Hazel and then back to Belly to make my point. “Look at how she’s following you.” And then I dramatically said, “She used to do that for me.”
Belly playfully nudged my shoulder. “Oh stop. I promise you, she’d still choose you over me. But I can’t believe that she really likes me now. Look how far we’ve come.” She looked mesmerized by Hazel as they both stared into each other’s eyes while she added, “I think I’m going to cry.”
Originally, Hazel was going to come with me to London as well. But now seeing them together like this. I couldn’t be the one separating them from each other. I changed my mind. “I want Hazel to stay with you.”
“What? Jere. No. You’ll be so lonely. I have Taylor, Steven, my parents, and my friends from school.”
“Belly.” I didn’t want this to be a long discussion because my mind was made up. “I want her to stay here. She’s just a puppy after all as well. And honestly, I really think she’s closer to you now, so she should stay with you. It would be better for her.”
I guessed I also felt a little guilty for leaving them both that I wanted them to at least be around each other.
A tear fell from Belly’s cheek, and I wiped it away before she replied, “Thank you for trusting me like this. I know how important Hazel is to you.”
And there wasn’t anyone else I trusted to leave her with than Belly. “Of course.”
I looked through my camera roll for some traveling documents to make sure I was prepared for the next week when I stumbled across a photo of Belly, Conrad, Steven, me, and my mom from when we were little.
Our neighbor’s dog was also in the photo, and I couldn’t remember anything about that day except for how badly I wanted to get a puppy afterwards. I was too young to understand the responsibility that came along with having one. I sighed at the nostalgic memory when Belly noticed, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I was so happy now. But I still missed those memories and most of all my mom. “I wish my mom could have met Hazel.” I felt myself get choked up after a tear fell down my cheek. “I wish she could be at our wedding.”
Hazel could also tell that something was wrong since before Belly had a chance to say anything, she began barking and licking my cheeks. I started to laugh completely unexpectedly after that.
“I think your mom just told Hazel to make you laugh and stop crying,” She added while combing her fingers through my hair.
I laughed even harder at that for some reason. “I think you might be right.”
When my laughter subsided, Belly asked, “And Jere?”
“Yeah?”
“I wish she could be there too. But I know that somehow she’s still with us whenever we need her.”
I felt at peace by her words where I didn’t feel the need to respond. We both understood each other.
The Following Day:
I took a flight to visit Conrad at Yale since the last few times he flew here to see all of us. It was only fair to do the same for him. I got here around noon since my flight was pretty early in the morning so that we would have had more time to spend together. He was at a coffee shop on campus when I arrived. And he kept reading even after an hour and half of me sitting there scrolling through my phone. I was patient enough.
“Connie. Connie? Are you even listening to me? You need to stop studying.”
“Jere, there are no breaks in medical school.” He continued to turn the pages of his gigantic textbook.
I took it from him. “If you don’t take a break right now, you’re going to go insane.”
“Thank you for your speech. Now please give me back my book.”
“If you don’t take a break right now, I’ll pour my coffee on it.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“The way you’re scaring me right now, yes I would.”
“Fine. Go ahead. I can just borrow another one from the library.”
I rolled my eyes. He knew I wouldn’t do that. As I handed him back his textbook, he scoffed at my poor attempt to make a point.
But then he grumbled to himself, “What the fuck? There’s no way that this chapter has another fifty pages left. Fuck that. Let’s go to the beach.”
Well that was easier than I thought.
When we got there, the beach wasn’t too crowded. It was pretty, but it wasn’t the same as Cousins Beach. Nothing would ever feel the same as home.
We brought a beach towel, a pizza, and some cookies that Conrad had with him from before.
While we ate, I mentioned, “I think I’m actually going to miss you.” It was weird considering how Conrad and I had spent years apart because of how far our universities were from each other. Yet this felt different. The feeling after graduation was quite scary. The idea of leaving was a lot more bittersweet now when all I lately wanted was to be closer to the people that meant the most to me.
As he took a bite of the cheese pizza he sarcastically replied, “You’re all acting like you’re going to be gone for over a year. It’s just a few months,” I laughed while he continued, “I’m still going to miss you too.” And then he finally added, “Jere is officially growing up.” I rolled my eyes knowing I should’ve seen that one coming.
He broke the cookie in half for us to share, and it was a pretty tasty chocolate chip cookie. “Did you make these? Actually, never mind. They’re good so you most likely didn’t.”
He threw a piece of his cookie at me. “No. This girl in one of my labs made it for us.”
“Sounds like someone has a crush on you.”
He rolled his eyes. “Eat your cookie.”
Conrad’s POV:
It was a good thing that I was swamped with homework, projects, and lab work. If not, I’d probably have missed Jeremiah the most. Instead, I had no choice but to be distracted by my studies.
That break was very much needed though. I’m grateful that Jeremiah knew it before I did. My mind wasn’t exactly processing very efficiently after five hours of reading about the human nervous system.
When we walked back to my apartment, the familiar blue eyes that I could never miss struck me by surprise.
Back to Jeremiah’s POV:
The last person that I would have expected to run into on this sidewalk back to Conrad’s place during the afternoon was Natasha. She definitely recognized us both, and this was a first. The three of us had spent plenty of time around each other before. This felt different mainly because now that I knew she liked me before, I couldn’t see her the same way.
Back to Conrad’s POV:
For a second, I wondered if I studied for way too long that now I was imagining that she was here. But no. It was her. Since she now walked towards us. That’s another thing about someone you never really got over. You forget about all rationale once you see them again.
When she was right in front of us, she directed her attention towards me strangely. “Can we talk?”
Jeremiah removed himself from the conversation. “I’m going to go set up my things. I’ll meet you back inside.”
I wished he had stayed. I didn’t really know what to say to her. It was hard enough for me to even look into her eyes, but I forced myself for only a brief moment though when I finally answered her previous question. “Yeah.”
As we stood on the corner of the sidewalk, I asked, “What are you doing here?”
“I was just picking up some of the things that I missed after graduation.”
“Oh right. Congrats on graduation.”
I tried to maintain my composure despite how bad I also felt for her because of her wrist. Natasha still had her cast on, so that’s the next thing that I commented on. “How’s your wrist?”
“It still hurts a lot. But I can feel it getting better.”
“I’m glad you’re feeling better.”
There was an unusually long amount of silence where both of us looked noticeably uncomfortable. This felt even more awkward than I had anticipated.
She broke the silence first, “Conrad. I’m so sorry.”
“Listen. You don’t have to explain.” In reality though, I wanted to hear what she had to say.
“No. I want to. I didn’t mean to ignore you.”
“Then why did you?” Normally I’d just brush over everything, especially since she clearly wasn’t feeling her best, but my curiosity got the best of me. “I was worried about you.”
“Because I knew that I would change my mind. And honestly? I felt so broken. After the accident, I just shut out everything. More than I usually do.”
How could I blame her for something that I also struggled with and still was working on? I put my own emotions aside for a second before I responded. “I know that feeling a little too well unfortunately. I’m sorry about what you went through.”
“I know you just wanted to help. But selfishly, I was only thinking about myself.”
“It’s okay. Really. We’re good.”
“I actually was going to text you to see if you wanted to have coffee sometime. I didn’t expect to run into you right when I got here.” She cautiously smiled before adding, “This was a nice surprise.” She must have been nervous because she wasn’t one to continue this much before I could respond. “And before you say anything, I loved spending time with you. You were nothing but kind to me, and I was hoping for a second chance.”
I was completely caught off guard. That was the last thing that I expected her to say. “Natasha, I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“Oh. No worries. I understand.” She looked disappointed.
“No I can’t because I’m seeing someone.”
Her face resembled mine right when she broke up with me.
I added, “I hope you feel better though. It was nice seeing you.”
She didn’t say anything after that. We hugged goodbye. And I wondered if that was the closure I had hoped for.
When I got back inside, Jeremiah was watching a movie and making some popcorn. “Where do you keep your butter?”
“Don’t have any. Sorry.”
“I’ll just use olive oil.”
“Don’t have any of that as well. Sorry.”
“What the fuck do you have then? Remind me to get you groceries before I leave.” He noticed me sink onto the couch. “What happened?”
“Natasha just asked me out and I told her that I’m seeing someone.”
“What? That’s great. Why didn’t you tell me? Is it the girl that baked you the cookies?”
“Jere, calm down. I lied.”
“Why?”
“I can’t get hurt by her a second time.”
“What makes you think that would happen though?”
“Because I know that she liked you.”
Back to Jeremiah’s POV:
I couldn’t believe Conrad knew. I didn’t tell him, and I knew Belly wouldn’t. Natasha would be the last one to tell him. So who told him then? I asked, “How did you find out?”
Back to Conrad’s POV:
“I figured it out on my own.” It was mainly after hearing how her accident happened when I put everything together. The reason was irrelevant though. I added, “I thought I’d be more annoyed, but you know what’s the first thing I did when I realized it?”
“What?”
“I laughed. I found it hilarious how this could happen a second time.” I couldn’t tell if Jeremiah knew that I was being sarcastic or not. I continued, “I just wish she communicated better with me. Besides, I’m done with relationships where the girl I like, likes us both.”
We laughed in unison.
The only part that I left out to Jeremiah was that I wanted to accept Natasha’s offer. I just feared that the outcome would have left a far greater damage than was already done.
Maybe it was the insecurities talking, but I had a feeling that she mainly wanted me back because I was finally out of her life completely.
It wasn’t a chance I was willing to take again. Finding out if she felt the same about me that I felt for her from the start.