THE WINTER I TURNED INTELLIGENT: CHAPTER 2 (PT. 2)

Important Note from Dreamy Plots & Story Talks: This story contains suggestive language and sexual content and is only suitable for readers that are 18+. 

Chapter 2 (part 2):

Her back was facing toward me, and I don’t think she heard me. It was so loud in here. I decided to surprise her with this inside joke we had where we would quote moments from Shakespeare plays, when we both only knew half of what they meant. Remembering her favorite play, I went and grabbed a rose by the front door. Luckily, Jessica bought a bunch of red roses for anyone to give to their and I quote, “secret admirers, star-crossed lovers, or crushes.” She didn’t need to tell me, but I knew she was hoping Trusky would give her one. I bet she regretted bringing those now. I almost ran back to the dancefloor to make sure I didn’t miss her. I tried to do this spin that looked a lot better in my mind, landed in front of her, and reached the rose out toward her, with my head facing down, “’Juliet thy love,’ what a pleasant surprise to see you here on this midnight-” I looked up, and the guy next to her, who I assumed was her boyfriend, looked less than amused. That wasn’t Belly- shit. The second time I embarrassed myself tonight, and the night wasn’t even over yet. “Sorry, I’m very sorry, I thought you were someone else, my mistake,” and I walked away even quicker than I did before.

My heart sunk. I didn’t know how much I wanted Belly to come tonight. I thought I didn’t care if she wanted to go to this party. After being here for over an hour now, I still didn’t think I missed her, not even a little. When I mistook that girl for her, I realized I wanted her here more than I wanted anything else. I shouldn’t have gone back to look at our Halloween photos from last year again, but I couldn’t help myself. Going through these photos made me feel like I was reliving that night.

Last Halloween:

“We’re going to be three hours late, you sure you still want to go?” I was hoping Belly would say no. 

She was still getting ready upstairs, while I was finishing the last episode of Netflix’s Wednesday. “No I’m almost ready, this dress took forever to put on, so we’re going!”

I raised my eyebrows and then my voice so she could hear me, “I can think of better things to do if you change your mind…” 

She was already downstairs when I said this, and all I managed to say was, “wow,” in an almost breathless tone.

Belly gave a confident grin, “it’s not too much?”

I pulled her waist into mine and smiled into her neck, “never.” My smile turned into a smirk, as I whispered into her ear, “I guess it’s going to take forever then to take it off.”

She turned her head toward me without a smile, “wait until you see what I have on underneath,” and headed to my jeep. My skin probably felt like the blazing embers of a freshly lit fire in that moment. I headed outside so quickly that I got to the car at the same time as her and reached out to open her door first, then stopped myself. “We’re already this late, what’s one more hour going to do?”

She didn’t have to ask what I meant. She knew exactly what was on my mind. “If you make it thirty minutes, I’d consider it...”

Both smiling, I opened the backseat door for her and then joined after her. This was probably not the best idea considering how tight this space was, but this was the last thing either of us thought about right now. I was about to undo her lavender cape, when she said, “uh uh, make do with what you have, this dress is not coming off until we get home later. Like I said, it took me way too long to put on.” I gave her a pout and grunted at the same time, and she continued, “I know how creative you can be, and time is ticking...”

I smirked, “so you want me to use my imagination then...”

She looked at my lips for a good two seconds and then touched my lips with her thumb, while looking into my eyes, “touch me without touching me.”

My smirk deepened, as I placed my hands on her hips and leaned into her. Now on top of her, I started kissing her neck. In between kisses, I began saying, “you know how much I love kissing your neck...”

Her voice was breathy, “yes...”

As I was still kissing her neck, I continued, “and you know how much I love kissing your lips...”

Her voice was even less audible, “yes...”

I paused for a second, “you know much I love to kiss your-” and whispered the next part into her ear.

She called out my name, “Jeremiah...” 

I gave one final kiss to her neck before saying, “you told me to use my imagination, so I want you to now imagine that I’m kissing you there.” Now I slowly used my tongue to kiss her neck, while picturing I was kissing her where I told her I wanted to. Imagination is a wild beast because for both of us, this felt like the actual act. From the sounds she was making to how I felt inside, this was one of the sexiest moments I’ve ever experienced.

Back to Present Day / Trusky’s Halloween Party:

I fucking knew it would be a mistake to look through those photos again, but I didn’t fucking care. Even if I could drink right now, no drink would be strong enough to make me escape how I was feeling right now. I didn’t want to escape this feeling. I wanted to be intoxicated by it. I wanted her. I wanted my fiancé. I wanted Belly.

Great, now they were playing a slow song, Chris Isaak’s “Wicked Game,” which happened to be the exact same song Belly and I danced to last Halloween. It’s strange how a song that once brought warmth to your soul could now make you feel like you were sitting in a room made of ice.

Back to Last Halloween:

Belly’s sparkling eyes met mine as she said, “this song is so dreamy”

I brushed my finger across her cheek, “you make it even dreamier”

Back to this Halloween:

I felt like I was in a nightmare, and all the dreams I held close to me were farther than she was.

Back to Last Halloween:

She rolled her eyes while smiling, “that was your cue to ask me to dance...”

I gave a both nervous and relieved soft laugh, “Don’t blame me, I’m still recovering from earlier tonight.” I knew this would be the most cliché thing to do. I had saved a small red rose in my coat pocket of my costume. I was dressed as a Bridgerton after all, so I had to make the right impression. Handing the rose to her I gave my best British accent, “may I have this dance?” 

She giggled with wide eyes, “you did not save that rose in your pocket all night.”

I could not stop smiling, “ah...but I did.”

She gave a sarcastic worried look, “but the thorns could have pierced your heart, Lord Bridgerton!”

I snorted, “Lord Bridgerton, really?”

Her eyes got wider in defense, and my eyes got even wider to match her expression as I continued, “no thorn could ever pierce me the way you have Miss Beckett.”

She couldn’t help but smile at me as I held out my hand to walk us to the dancefloor. Once we were in the center of it, she looked up at me with the most honest eyes I’ve seen, “you can call me Sophie”

My heart skipped a beat, “No if it’s alright with you, I’d like to just call you Bells”

Belly wrapped her arms around my neck as the song continued. I pulled her in closer and as our lips barely brushed she said, “you have the worst British accent I’ve ever heard,” and as she saw my mouth open in amused disbelief, she continued, “but I don’t know how I could love you even more,” before our lips crashed again.

I couldn’t hear the song. I couldn’t hear the background noise of all the people in this room. I couldn’t even hear the sound of my own heartbeat, which was louder than all this noise combined. I could only hear the one thought I had. I was going to ask Isabel Conklin to be my wife. 

 Back to this Halloween:

I should be grateful that this happened before we got married, but why didn’t I feel grateful then? I knew it was wrong, but I wish she hadn’t said his name even if she was thinking of him. Everything could have been fine at least in my head and my dreams. I knew one day I would realize how wrong this was, but I didn’t care if this was right sitting here feeling this empty.

Jessica’s POV: 

I did not spend five fucking hours getting ready today just to feel this shitty now. Ashley gave me one of the roses I bought for the party earlier tonight when she saw how disappointed I looked after seeing Nina and Trusky together. I was livid that I gave this much power to a guy to make me feel this low about myself. The anger in my eyes was only building as I started to pick each rose petal off its stem, one by one, while glaring at them together.

I knew better than this, and yet I still didn’t listen to myself. If Trusky wanted me, he would have to show it, and if he didn’t, his loss. I’m done giving everyone all of me and getting close to nothing in return.

Since Taylor had already left, and Ashley was still making out with the guy who I still didn’t know his name, I decided to go dance by myself. Did I look pathetic? Only if I felt pathetic, and I did not. I would only be humiliated if I let Trusky and Nina make me feel humiliated. As I was dancing, I made eye contact with a guy that was talking to his friends in the corner. I looked back at Trusky, and I noticed he was looking at me as well. I smiled inside. I am Jessica fucking Navarro, and I will not work for anyone’s attention.

Back to Jeremiah’s POV:

The sky was a peculiar mix of black, charcoal, and almost taupe from all the clouds. I was standing outside to get some fresh air when I felt a few rain droplets fall on my cheeks. The biggest storm of the year was just beginning, and the only light at this hour that was visible were the sad streetlights. At least they looked sad to me. I spoke too soon. The midnight sky was engulfed by its first strike of lightning, so I headed back inside.

I smelled Belly’s perfume again. How the fuck was this possible? My mind was messing with me. Now I saw another girl who was wearing a dress that looked like what she wore last Halloween. As I made my way back into the room, I felt an arm touch my shoulder, and when I turned around with hope, my heart rose and fell even harder when I saw it wasn’t anyone. Then I looked into Belly’s eyes, but to my disappointment, it was just the bright lights, loud music, and only a stranger on the other side.

My eyes were playing tricks on me because I could have sworn the same couple kissing earlier that kissed like we did were still making out. This is what it felt like to be in The Twilight Zone.

That’s it. I had to leave. Fuck space. I needed to see her. Maybe I overreacted.

After all, she did try to convince me it was just a word, and it didn’t mean anything. Was I going to throw all of what we had away for just one word? For a second, I wanted to, but I knew deep down I couldn’t. Belly was my best friend and the love of my life.

I jolted at the next strike of lighting as I made my way into my jeep. I dialed Belly’s number before starting the engine. She didn’t answer. I knew she wasn’t home, or at least I didn’t think she home. She told me she was going to be catching up on her emails, so I assumed she was working on this from Taylor’s place since she spent the night there last night. I still wanted to go home though to check on Hazel and make sure she wasn’t scared because of the storm. Then I was going to go to Taylor’s to see if she would maybe be there if she still didn’t answer her phone. I also decided to bring Hazel with me since this was a particularly heavy storm.

I really hoped Belly was home. She would probably laugh to herself knowing how quickly I broke. I asked for space less than 24 hours ago, and I didn’t feel one ounce of shame, not even for a second.

The rain was only pouring harder. I had to drive very slow even though my mind was running fast. I felt extremely warm even though I had no jacket over my sleeveless costume, and the air was below zero. When I got home, my stomach fell. The light was on. She was home. I had no umbrella, and the rain kept layering over me as I made each step toward the front door. When I got inside, a warm burnt cinnamon sugar scent filled my lungs. I smiled in peace. I was finally home.

Belly heard me and turned around from the couch. Hazel was sitting right beside her and now ran over to my arms.

I picked Hazel up into my arms with my wet hands, “hi my angel, were you scared, are you okay? I missed you so much Haze.” Hazel kept licking my cheek and had so much energy that it completely brought my energy level back to a thousand. I almost forgot I didn’t even acknowledge Belly yet. I put Hazel down, and as she went to bring her favorite Halloween toy, I walked to the couch. “I-”

Belly stopped me, “no let me speak first, I know I already apologized to you, but I will keep apologizing until you believe me.”

I tried to interject, “Belly-”

She continued, “no this is important, I know you want space, and I want you to have as much space as you need. Let’s work through this together.”

I raised my voice slightly, “Belly, wait, I don’t want space”

Her face fell, “wait does that mean, I knew it, you’re breaking up with me, aren’t you?”

I smiled with frustration, “No, I’m not, Bells. I’m fucking in love with you, how do you expect me to even think about breaking up with you? I don’t want space because I want to be with you, more than I probably should. You know what was in my head the entire night, tonight?”

She was speechless, and I kept continuing, “You. All I could think about was you. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Every time I saw a couple kissing, I thought of you. Every time I made a joke to one of my friends, I thought of you. Every time a slow song played, I thought of you. And when I thought of you, I did not want to think of anything or anyone else.”

She tried to speak, “Jeremiah, I-”

I bit my lip with my growing nerves, “I also owe you an apology, actually more than one. For starters, I should have told you how much your behavior was affecting me these past few years, instead of trying to pretend I was fine with it. I guess it didn’t seem real until it became real that night. Secondly, as much as it wasn’t cool, it was just a word, and I agree I was a little immature for reacting the way I did, but I promise you, it was only because I felt you didn’t want me the way I wanted you, and the thought of that destroyed me. In that moment no one, not you, nor me, could convince myself that you really did want- no love me.”

Belly’s eyes were watering, “Jeremiah of course I want you- love you- I am in love with you more than you even know it. I still feel worse for even trying to make it seem like it wasn’t a big deal. It was, and the only reason I did that was because I wanted to convince you that what I felt did not match what I said. I still feel so embarrassed for even asking you to pretend it didn’t even happen after, like what was I even thinking? I genuinely panicked, but that’s no excuse. Like I said, I’ll apologize to you for months if that’s what it will take.”

I softly laughed, while we looked into each other’s eyes with a sudden hope that felt like it had died just the night before. My voice was unsteady, “and speaking of that night..when you asked if we could just go back to what we were doing before...” I paused at the shakiness of my own voice and looked at her with my watery eyes that already felt defeated, “would you maybe still want to go back to what we were doing before?” She placed her right hand on my neck, and the warmth of her palm made me shiver. I let out all the anxiety, pain, and doubt that had filled me before, “that feels so fucking nice.”

In a concerned voice she noticed how I was practically shivering, ““You must be freezing.” Now she placed her other hand on the other side of my neck, “how does this feel now?”

I sighed while closing my eyes, “I can show you how it feels...”

I heard her take in a deep breath as I leaned in closer, my cold lips craving the warmth of hers.

Almost placing my arms around her waist, I paused our kiss, “wait, wait, I’m soaked, let me go take a quick shower, and then I’ll be right back.”

She took my right hand, “no I like that you’re wet actually,” and started placing small pecks in my palm, “it’s more seductive.”

I laughed, “Bells I don’t feel seductive, just give me a few minutes.”

She looked at me with both annoyed and playful eyes, “fine if you must...go.”

I kissed her cheek, “Just watch, I’ll be back before you finish your next email!”

I could hear her from the bathroom, “yeah, yeah, sure, you take forever!”

After finishing my shower, all of a sudden, I felt self-conscious. I wanted Belly to only think of us during this, but that was out of my control. I decided to do everything that was in my control to make her remember how special what we had was. I had already shaved my stubble the day before that I knew she appreciated. I went and put on her favorite cologne on me, the same one with the bergamot, musk, cardamon, and vanilla. Belly loved how soft my navy pajamas were, so I went back into our bedroom with just my towel on to wear them.

She was sitting on our bed with a caramel silk slip on, while the candlelight reflected on the right side of her face. I don’t know why I was this nervous. I walked to my dresser, “Um... uh just give me a second to find my navy set...”

She got up from the bed and started to walk toward me. I heard her footsteps since my back was facing her, “Why? I’m just going to take it off anyways...” She started kissing my back that was freshly warm from my shower but now boiling from her touch.

I closed my eyes and precariously turned around. You could cut the tension in the air with a sword, and there would still be friction. I placed my hands on both sides of her caramel slip and slowly lifted the soft fabric. I didn’t break eye contact with her. To my surprise, she didn’t have on anything else underneath. Now she didn’t break eye contact, while she unwrapped my towel from my waist. My hands were warm but felt cold against her skin, as I gently traced her collarbone with my fingers and then around her sunflower necklace. We both kept our eye contact. I don’t think we ever did this, this slowly, not even during our first time together. Even though we just made up and everything was back to normal, I had this lump in my throat that somehow something was different. I knew it was just nerves and my own insecurity though because how I felt for her had not altered, not even a little. I moved in closer, raised my eyebrows, and softly said, “I love you Bells”

She didn’t even hesitate and kissed me with a longing that made me grunt, and as she broke away to breathe, she whispered, “I love you Jeremiah”

Her words were enough to restore all my confidence that had faded before. I picked her up and placed her on the bed and started kissing her neck with my tongue. I felt her nails press into my back, while I started kissing down her chest. Then I stopped at her waist and went to grab protection.

She smiled at me, “I love how you’re always the responsible one, how did I get so lucky?”

I laughed, “I ask that to myself every single day”

She opened her mouth wide about to comment back when I took the opportunity to kiss her again. I could feel her smile into the kiss, and it left me smiling into it as well.

I wanted her to feel all of me, all of what I felt for her, so I asked if she was ready, and she looked at me with purity, “Jeremiah, you don’t need to ask me that every time, but I love you for it”

I smiled so wide, I probably looked like an idiot, but I wasn’t focused on anything other than making her feel good.

I looked into her eyes as we became one. I moved slower than I ever think I have before. I didn’t want this to end. I just wanted to look at her in pure bliss. I picked up my pace a little and listened to every request she had. I felt the end coming as she called out my name. I closed my eyes hoping that this would never become a memory.

The Next Morning:

Belly was still asleep when I got out of the shower. I tried to get ready as quietly as possible, wrote her a note, and placed it on her nightstand. I wanted to kiss her cheek, but I also didn’t want to wake her up. She looked so peaceful, so I just blew her a kiss from afar. I gave Hazel her breakfast and headed to my jeep. I wanted to surprise Belly with her favorite blueberry cake from the Farmer’s Market that was only available on Monday mornings. When I got there, luckily, they only had two left. I also saw a fresh bouquet of sunflowers, bought all of these, and made my way back home. I got home and still didn’t hear anything.

I assumed she was still asleep. I started making us breakfast, two eggs over medium each, fresh potatoes with peppers and onions, some of her favorite salsa from Trader Joe’s, and sourdough toast. The potatoes were almost ready when I dropped one of my pans. Shit- I hope that didn’t wake her up. Then I barely heard her voice, “Jeremiah, is that you, where were you?”

I didn’t want her to worry, so I went to our room and realized she was taking a shower, “Yeah, sorry I dropped a pan. I’m making a gigantic breakfast so I hope you’re hungry!”

I could hear the excitement in her voice, “that sounds incredible! Do you have the salsa I wanted? We were out of it before, and Trader Joe’s keeps discontinuing everything I like!”

Smiling I said, “Yes Bells, I got the salsa. I had to go to like three different Trader Joe’s to find it, but I told you I would find it”

She said, “my salsa knight in shining armor”

I laughed, “okay, please do not say that ever again”

Her voice became more playful, “okay but breakfast can wait, come join me, you know you want to!”

Of course I wanted to, I always wanted to. But the eggs were going to become over hard at this point, and the bread would be burnt, so I replied, “you have no idea...but the food will get ruined”

She said, “it’s fine, I’ll help you cook it again. C’mon, the water is only going to get colder, with you wasting time...time is ticking”

I laughed again, “not you using your favorite phrase again...okay fuck it, I’m coming. Let me just turn off the stove. I’ll be right back.” I was headed to the kitchen again, when I noticed a piece of jewelry on the edge of the bed.

As I moved closer to the bed, I noticed it was a necklace, but I still didn’t recognize the object. I picked up the silver necklace and now saw an infinity pendant on it. That’s odd, I’ve never seen this necklace before... I assume this was Belly’s, but maybe it wasn’t. She didn’t wear much jewelry, and I definitely hadn’t seen her wear this necklace before. Why was it on the bed? She wasn’t wearing it last night, at least I didn’t remember her wearing it. Maybe she just got it recently, while on her business trip to London. It was just a necklace. I placed it back on the bed and as I was leaving the room, I heard her phone buzz. I have never checked her phone before, and I wasn’t about to now, but technically it was just the lock screen, and it was lit up so anyone could have seen that really. I knew I was trying to convince myself that this was right, but I don’t know why I was starting to feel anxious. Then I saw it. His name. Conrad.

It’s not so much that she was texting him, it was more so why she kept it from me. After reading the text, I now knew why she didn’t tell me...

I didn’t want to invade her privacy, so I didn’t open her phone, but there was enough in that text that confirmed what that necklace was. Conrad gave her that necklace when they were together, and she kept it for at least three years, if not more that I don’t know about it. I should have listened to my intuition last night.

I was frozen. I must have been standing still for more than I realized when Belly came out of the shower, “what happened? I asked you if you were coming, and you didn’t respond. Jeremiah? Hello? Jeremiah??”

I still couldn’t move as she walked in front of me, “what’s going-,” “why won’t you blink? Are you okay?”

I tried my best to pretend nothing had happened because for once I wanted the fucking truth, and if she knew I knew, she would just deny it point-blank, “Uh yeah, sorry, I just haven’t eaten yet so my stomach was feeling kind of nauseous” At least I wasn’t lying. I have never felt more nauseous.

I continued, “Quick question though...what’s this necklace? I just saw it on the bed a second ago.” I picked up the pendant and handed it to her.

I couldn’t read what she was thinking, “That’s one of my necklaces.”

I wanted to roll my eyes at the obvious, but I didn’t, “did you buy it yourself, or was it a gift?”

 She responded almost too nonchalantly, “It was a gift.”

Okay, so she was telling the truth so far, “Was it a recent gift?”

She lied, “Yeah, one of my friends got it for me.”

She already answered my next question, “so your friend bought it for you as a gift...why an infinity? Infinity is a pretty bold symbol. Was it from Taylor, and if it wasn’t who else are you that close to, no were you close to?”

I saw panic start to build in her eyes, but her body language tried to remain calm, “it’s just a necklace. The meaning of it is not that important. I don’t know... it was just a kind gesture from a friend.”

I was done playing this act, “if it’s just a fucking necklace that’s not important, why have you kept it for three years?”

“Now there’s just no chance for you and me, there’ll never be, and don’t it make you sad about it?”

Now she was frozen.

My jaw tensed, “If you were over my brother, why did you keep the necklace he gave you? If you loved me, why didn’t you tell me you kept the necklace?”

Belly hesitated and then started to speak, “because if I told you, this is how you would have reacted. You would have thought it had a hidden meaning behind it”

I continued, “You know what? I won’t even deny it, yes I would have, because Belly that makes no sense! Why would you want to keep it if you never saw a future with him anymore? Stop making me feel like I’m the insane one here because this is just logic. If I kept a watch that my ex-girlfriend bought me and was now engaged to my current girlfriend of many years and still kept the watch without telling her, when she would find out and saw me lying about it, she would be humiliated. So how is this any different?”

“You told me you loved me, why did you leave me all alone?”

“And you keep fucking lying and lying...when does it end?!”

“Now you tell me you need me, when you call me on the phone”

All she managed to say to all of this was, “How did you even know he gave me the necklace?”

I was livid, “Really? That’s the first thing you’re going to say? Go read your last text.”

She got angry now, “you went through my phone?”

I rolled my eyes, “no, I didn’t open your phone or go through it. It made a noise and lit up, so I just saw what was on the lock screen, and believe me I was tempted to read the rest, but I knew it would be wrong and the lock screen in my eyes is fair game. It wasn’t my fault your phone rang at the same moment I saw the necklace.”

She just took a deep breath and said, “Conrad gave me the necklace when we broke up, and I tried to give it back to him, but he refused and said he wanted me to keep it. I kept it without ever thinking anything of it, so I was never going to tell you because it felt unnecessary, and I knew it would just make you feel more hurt. I know how much you hate it even when I just mention his name.

I looked at her with betrayal in my eyes, “Bullshit, if you didn’t think anything of it, why was it with you last night? Clearly, it wasn’t put away in a jewelry box or somewhere else that you haven’t been searching for. And no don’t turn this around like that because that’s not an excuse to still not tell me. If you knew how I would feel about this like you just said you did and also never saw anything with him in the future, you wouldn’t have kept it, believe me. Listen, you don’t have to agree with me, this is just what I think is right. Clearly, we don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things, not anymore...Actually, I cannot even say that because I’m having a hard time separating what was and wasn’t true in this entire relationship!”

She tried to put her hand on my shoulder, and I took a step back, “Jere-”

I let my mind speak for once, “I don’t regret any of this. I don’t regret you. I don’t even regret last night...but I will regret it, if I didn’t stop myself before this gets worse.”

She tried to read me, “What do you mean?”

My lost eyes were filling with tears, but I wasn’t going to fucking cry anymore, “I mean, I can’t marry you. I don’t want you to be my wife, not like this. I want someone to want me the way I want you. I want someone I can trust the way I wish I could trust you. If I never find that person, then I’ll never get married, but I just know she’s not going to be you, and here, keep my ring. Now you have a matching set.” I took off my gold promise ring and placed it on the bed. “And now you can remember me as well by this. I hope you treat him better than you treated me.”

I was going on that walk I should have gone on two weeks ago. From now on, I come first. For once in my life, I didn’t care how she felt right now. It was Belly’s turn to cry.