The winter i turned intelligent: chapter 5 (pt. 2)

Important Note from Dreamy Plots & Story Talks: This story contains suggestive language and sexual content and is only suitable for readers that are 18+.

Chapter 5 (part 2):

Belly’s POV Continued:

After the third ring, I had lost all hope. Sure enough, the call went to voicemail. I wasn’t going to leave one, so I tried again. Taylor could see the disappointment painted across my face, “do you think he’s doing it on purpose?”

The Jeremiah I knew wouldn’t ignore a phone call on purpose, but the version I’d witnessed the past week felt somewhat like a stranger. I anxiously got up from my chair, “You know, I’ll call you later today,” Luckily, we drove separately so I could leave.

Her brows furrowed as I heard her shout, “where are you going?”

 I had already walked away from the table when I turned back to respond, “where I should have gone a week ago.”

I turned on the engine and made my way to his house. The sky had turned into a pale shade of grey. It could have rained any second now. I knew it would be a long drive, and that gave me time to gather my thoughts on what to say to him.

I also had my own reasons to be mad at Jeremiah, but I knew this was mostly my fault. I never meant to hurt him. Ever since I had said Conrad’s name that night, I’d been trying to figure out how it even happened. These past few weeks had given me time to reflect on something I hadn’t given much thought to before. Since Conrad was my first love, I think I underestimated what that really meant to me.

I had given so much of myself, my time, my energy, and my thoughts to this one person. At some point, it had felt my happiness depended on him as well, so much so that when we broke up, I didn’t really recognize myself. I would never regret starting a relationship with Jeremiah, but I now questioned if it all started too soon.

I wasn’t ready for a relationship, even though I had the perfect guy in front of me. When Conrad and I broke up three years ago, just a few weeks after being the most heartbroken I’d ever been, things changed between Jeremiah and me. I didn’t expect to have feelings for him to the level that I did, and I definitely never imagined experiencing that electric spark again. When you lose something that gave you joy like you never knew existed, you genuinely believe, at least for a second, that you won’t ever find it again.

I felt that way after Conrad dumped me and again after Jeremiah and I had our fight two weeks ago. My trip to London had been planned for months, but no amount of practice would have prepared me for our conversation that night. I should have never implied that being with him had been a mistake. It couldn’t have been farther from the truth. When I got to my hotel room in London the following evening, as I unpacked my suitcase, I had noticed a tiny pouch fall out of my jacket. I didn’t even remember the last time I wore that jacket, but as soon as I saw the pouch I knew what was inside it. The infinity necklace Conrad had given me on my sixteenth birthday was in there, the same one he told me to keep when we broke up. He didn’t want to keep it, and even though I had expressed I didn’t want to keep it, at the time on the inside, part of me wanted to hold onto to it. I never told him that of course. Once Jeremiah and I started going out, I initially had completely forgotten about it. There were moments the past few years where I was reminded of it but only when reminiscing on a variety of past memories. I regretted what I had done next. I had texted Conrad a photo of the necklace and a message, “look what randomly fell out of my coat pocket haha”  

I was way happier than I should have been when my phone lit up with his response, “hey Belly! That’s wild! At least you noticed before you threw it in the washing machine haha hope you’re doing well” 

I knew I was only asking for trouble by continuing off the last portion of his response, “Thank you, yeah I just got to London. I’m here for about two weeks for work. Hope you’re doing well too!”

I remembered how much I had smiled during that conversation. It had just been through text, and yet it distracted me from the inevitable that I wanted to avoid. It’s almost as if the necklace was an honest mistake, but the lingering feelings that creeped up on me when I was the most vulnerable kept outnumbering me to do something stupid.

Jeremiah was the only one I wanted to talk to that night, but I knew it wasn’t possible. Conrad gave me the attention in that moment that Jeremiah wouldn’t.

I never knew I had been that insecure until I decided last minute to leave the trip earlier because of the anxiety I felt knowing the damage what I said caused.

I knew what he meant that night I said Conrad’s name when he told me that a mistake was only a mistake when you didn’t keep repeating it. The problem here was that I didn’t know what the problem was before.  

How could I explain to Jeremiah why I said that when I didn’t even know why I said it? The only way I could have been honest with him is if I was honest with myself. I never intentionally wanted him to feel like the second choice.

If anything, I knew how it felt to be an option having dated his brother before. Even though some of my behavior wasn’t intentional, it still left the same result and kept hurting the one person that I cared about the most. I wanted to tell Jeremiah everything I had been feeling recently.

I knew if he found out I had texted Conrad first, it might make things even worse, and it could also ruin any chances of us getting back together. But I knew he wanted honesty from me, so I wasn’t going to shy away from it all anymore.

When I got to his house, I noticed his jeep was missing from the driveway. He never parked his car there because he always left the garage for my car, so now I wasn’t sure if he was home or not.  

My shaking hands rang the doorbell three times. He wasn’t home.  

Maybe he would have ignored my calls or texts, but I knew he wouldn’t ignore me like this. Since the drive wasn’t close, I would try again tomorrow. My shoulders slumped in disappointment as I sighed while making my way back to my car.

When I got home, I noticed the bouquet that Steven had bought for Taylor recently on the counter. It reminded me of the flowers my dad used to buy for my mom. Since I was eight years old, I remember my dad would buy my mom flowers at least once a week.

I never remember seeing my mom as happy as she was back then, except when she was with her best friend Susannah.

It became a tradition for me to wait with him to see her reaction as if it was always a surprise. She would try to pretend she didn’t know even though now I knew it was all a show just to play along and make me happy at the time.

 It was a rare moment where my mom was more laid back than usual.

When my mom wanted a divorce a few years later, I was devastated. I didn’t understand any of it. All I vaguely remembered was that I hated her for it. I hated her for ruining our family, my perfect little world, and for breaking my dad’s heart.  

I didn’t ever relate to what she must have gone through until Conrad broke my heart. 

I wasn’t comparing how Conrad treated me to how my dad treated my mom because my dad was good to my mom from all the memories I remembered and from the stories she told me of their relationship when things were both good and bad.

However, I finally realized what it meant to let go of someone even when you still cared about them.

It’s nice to think of others, but there needs to be a balance. I didn’t give my mom enough credit at the time for all the sacrifices she did make to keep our family happy and together the years prior.

Conrad also did a lot of good things for me and for all the people he cared about. He had an incredible heart, but it got to a point where it wasn’t enough to sustain what we had. When we were over, I didn’t let it go though. Being with Jeremiah masked the heartache I felt, but it didn’t dissolve it altogether. I think I wanted Conrad and I to work somehow to prove to my mom but more so myself that if you really tried to stick it through, you could make it work with the person you wanted to be with.

There was only so much you could try if the other person didn’t want it as bad as you.  

Even though Conrad didn’t intentionally try to hurt me, our relationship really damaged my self-esteem. I always had my own insecurities, but I never doubted myself more than when we were together. I felt like I’d never be good enough for him, which carried through my relationship with Jeremiah. Jeremiah made me feel nothing but secure, but I was still self-conscious about a lot. I felt that it would only be inevitable that one day he’d try to leave me as well. After all, the only other relationship I had to compare him with was the one with his brother.

I must have tried to sabotage what we had along the way in hopes of breaking his heart before he broke mine.

That way it would have hurt a lot less. There was no other explanation as to why I kept fucking up, glancing at Conrad in front of Jeremiah, reaching out to Conrad behind Jeremiah’s back, calling Conrad’s name when kissing Jeremiah, and a lot of other small things, as Jeremiah told me didn’t seem small anymore once it kept happening.

But I was still in love with Jeremiah, and I wanted him to fight for me even though I broke his heart. It didn’t make any sense, I knew it. It’s still what I wanted.  

I couldn’t magically make him want to want me though, the same way I couldn’t convince my mom to still want my dad before. The only thing that was in my control was to let Jeremiah know how I still felt about him.

It wasn’t easy for me to talk to him about this because it was already difficult just processing it all on my own.

I never spoke to anyone about any of this, but I wanted this to work. I would try my best to talk to him and finally be honest, but if it wasn’t enough, I wouldn’t let it break me the way it would have before.  

SEVEN HOURS EARLIER:

BACK TO JEREMIAH’S POV: 

I finally decided how I would apologize to Natasha. I was making her falafel from this recipe I found from The Food Network’s website.

I collected all the ingredients and placed them on the island. I had cooked a decent amount of times, but this was the most overwhelmed I’d ever been standing in a kitchen. I didn’t even know where to start. So naturally, I decided to text my friends in our group chat:

“SOS, making falafel, any tips?”

Jessica responded first:

“Add lots of ground cumin and just the right amount of salt, not too much, not too little”

Matt responded next:

“What’s cumin? LMAO”

Carlos replied to him:

“Someone please remove him from the group chat ASAP”

Trusky replied to Matt:

“Not what you think Matt...not what you think”

I responded again:

“Why do I always forget that Jessica is the only helpful one here”

Zac joined the conversation:

“Hey, what about me!! Cumin, garlic, and coriander are all essential, but my favorite ingredient is adding chickpeas, even more than is included in the recipe, it just gives the best flavor to the falafel once their ready”

Matt added again:

“What’s coriander?”

Carlos responded to him again:

“The name of the next Marvel superhero played by Pedro Pascal, you heard it here first”

I replied:

“Okay, I’m gonna go now...”

Ashley finally responded:

“Hey what did I miss??” 

My friends had a way of making you forget about all of your problems because of how ridiculous our conversations were in the best way possible. I think the key ingredient in our friendship was the fact that we were all so different. Our core values were the same, but our hobbies, interests, etc., all varied.

I mixed all the ingredients together and hoped for the best. I tried my best for it to taste as authentic as possible because the last thing I wanted was to offend her again. While I placed the tray of falafel in the oven, I cleaned the island when I dropped the flour container. Hazel ran over and started barking at me, and I knew that was her way of laughing at me. I was annoyed for a second, but then immediately laughed because it was such as mess that it did look laughable. At least I knew what I’d be doing until the food was ready. After cleaning all the flour from the counter and floor, I changed into a burgundy cable knit sweater, deep blue jeans, and my cream tennis shoes. I had this new cologne that was very strong, so I only sprayed a touch of it on my wrist and neck. It was an unusual combination of scents, but I surprisingly liked it a lot. The fragrance was a mix of saffron, musk, bergamot, with a hint of cinnamon.

Once I removed the tray from the oven, the first thing I noticed was the shape of the falafel. They were more rectangular than the round shape they usually had, and they looked a little too crispy. I let the falafel cool for about fifteen minutes. I went to try a piece of one of them, “Shit”

They were way too salty and not that spicy. I realized I put twice the amount of salt that I needed to and left out the pepper altogether. Great, I was going to apologize to her and also offend her again. I went and added some more pepper on top, but I knew it wouldn’t taste the same. I thought about making them again, but it was already close to sunset, and I knew the next time I made them, something else could have gone wrong. This was about the thought not as much about the quality of the food because I knew no matter what I did, they wouldn’t taste the same as the ones she had made and given to me on Halloween.

I headed out the door to my jeep that I had parked in the driveway and headed to Natasha’s house. Trusky knew her address since he had already gone on one date with Nina, her older sister. But I didn’t want it to be weird that way, so I had asked Trusky to ask Nina if it would be okay for me to have her address and she said of course. Her quick eagerness made me question more about Natasha’s daily life. Did she not have many friends? Did she have a boyfriend? Was she married? None of this was any of my business, but I was still curious about it all.

When I knocked on her door, I was most nervous of her reaction to the falafel, which was good because it distracted me from what could have made me much more nervous, addressing what I said to her the other night.

As I was waiting for a response, I wondered if her and Nina lived on their own together, or if they lived with their parents. Within the next minute, Natasha opened the door.

She had an equally shocked and pissed off look about her, “What are you doing here? How did you find out where I live?”

I knew reminding her that she came to my house first, one, wouldn’t do me any good, and two, wasn’t even that relevant to why I decided to come in person to apologize in the first place, “Hi, I was thinking of how to apologize to you-”

She was about to cut me off again, “Yeah you already apologized a number of times that night, I got it, why do you even care? You don’t owe me anything”

I knew she was deflecting so I continued, “that’s not why I’m here, I’m not here to apologize through words,” and then noticed her scrunch her eyebrows in confusion, “I’m here to apologize with my culinary talents. Here I made you falafel.” She had a blank expression on her face, similar to when I gave her my speech about how I resonated with the character Victor from Corpse Bride. “Natasha, I was an asshole, no, I am an asshole, coming to ask you out when I did see my ex right before was one of the most fucked up things I’ve done, and I don’t even care how you view me as, I just didn’t want to disrespect you like that. I want you to know I would never think what I did was okay, not to you or anyone else. I know you don’t need my apology, and you might not even care that I’m here, so that’s why I brought you food, here at least look at how good it looks” I was being sarcastic, but she would find that out soon enough.  

She took the plate and removed the aluminum foil and got a peak at the falafel, and I noticed a smile form on her face as she softly laughed, “these look...interesting...”

I knew the only way to apologize to her was to make her laugh. I didn’t stand a chance any other way because Natasha struck me as the kind of person that didn’t let things go easily, but also someone who could surprise you randomly, so I had to get creative.

I noticed her body relax slightly, “I guess I accept your apology because of how these look, I mean how couldn’t I? Did you get this recipe from Party City as well?”

I shook my head, “you know you’re really missing out if you don’t go to Party City”

She laughed, “I’ll take your word for it”  

I laughed along as well when we made our familiar eye contact followed by a brief, yet long silence.   

I was grateful she interrupted it, “well do you want to come in? You don’t expect me to eat this masterpiece all by myself, do you?”

I was surprised she invited me since she rejected coming into my house on that same Halloween night, “Yeah, sure, I’m down” 

It didn’t look like anyone else was home. As she guided us to her kitchen table, I noticed how cozy her home seemed. There were tons of photographs surrounding the house, many of which were also black and white. She went and brought some pita bread that looked homemade and two sodas, and I took my first bite, “this tastes-” 

Then she took her first bite as she made eye contact with me, “just how it looks...” 

I almost choked on the falafel, “hey, it took me like a good 5 hours to make”

I was about to start laughing again when I noticed an almost self-conscious shift in her tone, “sorry, no this was- really kind of you, probably one of the most thoughtful things anyone’s ever done for me,” and then she had the exact same blank expression on her face from when I had told her it was okay to cry. Now she was staring at the plate of bread in front of both of us. Something told me that there was a story behind this, but I didn’t want to repeat our conversation from the bar, “do you want to talk about it?”

She snapped out of it and looked at me, “talk about what? Oh no that-, that was just an expression, I meant to say, thank you, this was sweet.”

I could tell she didn’t want to continue that conversation, so I changed the subject, “so Trusky and Nina’s date went well...” I didn’t even know why I brought that up. I was clearly a little nervous because this was the first dinner I had alone with a girl since Belly and I first started dating three years ago.

Her facial expression made me think she had some opinions on this, “I really like him, he seems like a great guy, and he’s very funny too. But, like I said to you that night, it was pretty clear to me that your friend Jessica also likes him. I don’t know how he feels, but if there are any feelings there between them, I just don’t want to see my sister get hurt like that. Love triangles always end in some form of disaster. One person always gets hurt, remember the song by Abba, “The Winner Takes It All?”

I nodded. That was my favorite song from them actually.  

“Well, they perfectly summed up a love triangle in a nutshell, ‘The winner takes it all, the loser has to fall’,” and then she took another bite of her falafel.  

I felt a grumble in my stomach, “yeah speaking of love triangles...I have a question.” She looked up at me genuinely curious as she finished her last piece, and I continued, “if you were dating someone for a while now, and you were really serious about them, would you still keep something that was given to you by your ex? Granted, it could have been something special to you, yes, but would you feel the need to keep it?”

Her facial expression made me believe that she could tell I was searching for an answer that I wanted to hear, “well I think it’s complicated,” I didn’t expect her to give a straightforward answer when so many of her responses had been more ruthless, but she continued to surprise me, “I think when you date someone who you feel very strongly towards, if you didn’t have closure, you may sometimes think about what could have been. But... I think that’s natural, and everyone has that person that they can think that way towards. So holding on to a piece of jewelry is almost like holding on to a piece of them, but that doesn’t always mean it’s necessarily holding out for a romantic prospect with them. It could just be holding on to memories that they never let go of before, like you know memories we all have with friends, family, or in our own solitude. And I personally think that the length of time you have dated someone doesn’t really matter in the sense of how you feel about them. You could know someone for a few months and be crazy about them and have known someone else for over a year and not feel as strongly about them. It all depends.”

That was really insightful. I wanted to ask another question because I was genuinely fascinated hearing her speak, “but what if the same person not only held onto something, and then also called their ex’s name out when you two were kissing?”

She knew I was talking about Belly, “Oh wow- well... I’m assuming this is about your ex fiancé.” I could tell she noticed my jaw tense up, “but even if it isn’t, yeah that’s a little fucked up yes, but... let’s just play both sides here for a second. If you had an ex that really scarred you, would you let go of special things they gave you? It wouldn’t be easy to let go of things they gave you, but would you even do it? And what if you felt the same way about your new partner even if you accidentally said your ex’s name to them? I know it’s hard to believe that something like that could be an accident, but you agree that it is possible. So assuming it is, now imagine if they didn’t believe you when you told them it was nothing. Of course it could be something, but it also might not be.” Her next sentence really struck a chord with me, “If she was the one that left you, would you throw away the wedding ring she bought you, even if you dated someone else now for a while?”

I couldn’t believe how she knew I was the one who left Belly and not the other way around. Was it that obvious in the wording I used? I was also speechless at what she said to me because she was right. If Belly broke up with me, and I was dating someone else, I don’t think I would have had the heart to throw the ring she gave me away. Just look at me a few days ago. I tried to throw it all away, her portrait photo, the pebble from our trip to Iceland, the note I wrote her from high school, and ever since I gave her my ring to keep, I regretted it. Some part of me wished, I kept it, so how could I blame her for keeping the necklace? “You’re right, I guess I was a little selfish to only think of how it looked to me. I didn’t think how it made her feel to keep it.”

She smiled, “yeah I figured...”

I feared I brought the mood down and made the whole conversation about me when all of this was supposed to be to apologize to her, “do you want to watch a movie?”

She looked unaffected by it all, which made me relieved at how she detached from conversations in a way I wish I could, “That sounds great, but I have a few things to do, and I need to be up early”

Again? Why did she have to be up this early...again? Now I wondered what she even meant by early, “how early?” I guess I also learned to ask pushier question from having had a decent number of conversations already with her.

She looked at me with an expression that read exactly what she said next, “trust me, you don’t want to know”

Now I wanted to know even more, “Why is it the more that I know you, the more I feel like I don’t know you?”

“Jeremiah that was very poetic, thank you. It’s been a pleasure, thank you again for everything,” and as we made our way to the door she added, “and they weren’t even half bad you know...you just needed some pepper.”

It made me happy that she enjoyed the falafel, but more so that she seemed much happier than our conversation at the bar. I left her house with more clarity on what I hoped to tell Belly and more curiosity about Natasha’s life.   

THE NEXT MORNING:

It was a sunny autumn Saturday morning, and it felt like the perfect time to go to the farmer’s market.

The sun was shining so bright today that all the trees and flowers on the pathway created this flickering reflection that resembled sparkling lights. 

Belly and I loved going to the market together. She loved picking fresh flowers, and I loved the fresh food that filled the scene. Walking along this pavement didn’t feel the same without her, just like nothing else these days did.  

I wondered if I ruined things so badly that she wouldn’t want to speak to me anymore. She had tried to talk things through with me a few times, and I very obviously avoided her. I needed space to think everything through clearly, but there were words I wish I could undo. I couldn’t take back what I said to her especially about mocking her for keeping my ring, and now I felt even shittier. Would she still want me back now? 

BACK TO BELLY’S POV:

His car still wasn’t in his driveway, so I decided to go get us some blueberry cakes from the farmer’s market we loved to share together. On the drive there, we would always sing an entire album full of songs. The radio didn’t sound the same without him now. The market was very crowed when I got there, so I was lucky to have found parking as quickly as I did. The cake stand was towards the end of the setup. I decided to browse at the other booths along the way.

The first thing I wanted to do was to apologize to him, but it was even more important to me to confide in him everything I had gone through. I guess time really did help you get over a lot.  

If our argument hadn’t happened, I didn’t know if I’d ever be ready to open up about what I had been going through, especially not to him.

BACK TO JEREMIAH’S POV:

Natasha opened my eyes to a lot, and I guess what she said to me about the length of time you knew someone was true. She was the person I knew for the shortest amount of time in my life, and yet, without even knowing it, she helped me from making the biggest mistake of my life. I’d be forever grateful to her for that. After hearing everything she had to say, it allowed my mind to process things even further. I was trying to understand Belly’s perspective, and the first thing I now realized was if she had left me for the same reason that I left her, I would have tried my best to win her back, to try to talk to her. Even if I knew it had been my fault, if I still loved her, I would fight for her, something she was trying to do, which I had ignored. I wouldn’t do that again without hearing her first.

I remembered the reason I came here in the first place was to pick Belly her favorite sunflowers. I made my way through the booths.

Then I saw her.

BACK TO BELLY’S POV:

Then I saw him.  

BACK TO JEREMIAH’S POV:

I just wanted to hug her and apologize for not taking the time to really understand her, “hey Bells.” I wondered if she didn’t want me to call her that anymore. I hoped not because I missed it more than I could put into words.

BACK TO BELLY’S POV:

My stomach filled with butterflies when he called me that, the same way it did when he said it to me before our first kiss, “hey, Jere” 

BACK TO JEREMIAH’S POV:

My heart relaxed hearing her call me that, knowing that it was possible for things to return to the way they once were. We both tried speaking at the same time, “you can start-”

Then she let me go first, “you can start”

“Belly, I’m so sorry for what I said to you that night. I never meant to make fun of you for keeping the necklace and comparing it to keeping my ring. That was so insensitive. I was very hurt, but it didn’t give me any right to say it- and I’m sorry for avoiding you, it wasn’t what I was trying to do, I just needed time to think of how I was feeling before I said worse to hurt both of us even more. But I feel the worst for not seeing how you must have felt all these years. I definitely downplayed your breakup with Conrad because I was immature and I was so happy that we had a chance to be together, but I didn’t ever ask you if you were okay. Yeah you kissed him after we kissed, but we were best friends, we were always friends first, and a friend would have been there for their friend, and I wasn’t there for you. I’m very sorry”

BACK TO BELLY’S POV:

I wasn’t expecting him to say all of this, but even more so, I didn’t expect myself to start crying.

I felt a tear fall down my right cheek, and he instantly moved closer to dry it, “hey don’t cry”

I tried my best to gather myself together with a smile, “no I know, it’s just- thank you for saying that, but I’m the one that owes you the apology. I downplayed all the ‘small things’ as I put it when it clearly turned into a big thing. If I had only just addressed it with you before, maybe this would have all happened differently. But like you said, I also needed time, and a lot has been weighing on me as well that you never knew about. To start off, I need to tell you that I’m the one who reached out to Conrad when I was in London. It wasn’t him”

He didn’t look surprised, which made me surprised, “I know. Conrad told me he didn’t reach out to you first when he first got into town, but that’s all he told me, but it’s okay, I trust you”

He didn’t know how much that last part meant to me, “I didn’t have a chance to process my breakup with Conrad. All the emotions I felt during that time were replaced with all the wonderful memories we shared together. But the grief I held onto didn’t leave me, even though I thought it had. These past few days made me also realize a lot of why I wanted my relationship to work with him so badly wasn’t even really because of him, like you said it was the idea of him, and part of me wanted to prove to myself that I could make it work if I kept trying. And in a weird, twisted way, I was trying to prove to my mom that if she had tried harder, things between her and my dad could have also ended differently. I know that’s not true, but the version that was dumped a few ago didn’t know that,” and then I explained my conversation with Conrad when I was in London, “You don’t know how much I missed you when I got to London. I was beyond shocked at our conversation. I knew I fucked up everything, worse than before. I knew we didn’t break up, but part of me felt if I screwed everything up, I could have left this relationship feeling less hurt than if you left me. I didn’t plan to have the necklace with me that day you saw it. When I unpacked my suitcase in London, I noticed it was in the pocket of my coat from a while ago. Of course there were times I thought about the necklace before but just like any other memory I’ve had. Then, I texted Conrad a photo of the necklace he got me because I felt very lonely. And about the text you saw, Conrad had responded saying he was surprised I had kept it, and I told him how I was in London for the trip, but then quickly felt guilty for even texting him at all. So I lied in my next response saying that I had a meeting to go to even though it was late in the evening, and the text you saw on my phone was the last response he sent me when I told him I had to go. I shouldn’t have texted him a photo of the necklace no matter how low I felt. It was wrong, and I’m so sorry.”

BACK TO JEREMIAH’S POV:

I was annoyed at the texts she sent to my brother, but now I understood where it was all coming from. I knew it wasn’t easy for her to tell me all of this, so I wanted to try to empathize with her, “Wow Bells, thank you for trusting me enough to tell me this. I hate that you were going through that alone. And I... I forgive you, you know I always will, and you know I love you, I always will.” After hearing everything she had to say, something in me completely shifted.

I was planning on winning her back and asking her if she wanted to get back together, but I realized that this was what I wanted, what I always wanted from the start. I loved her first though. All I ever wanted was for her to be happy. Even though what I would say next killed me inside, I knew it’s what she deserved, “you know I had this big plan on apologizing to you but then asking you for your forgiveness and if you wanted to start things over again, but I don’t think that would be fair of me to expect that anymore.”

She looked genuinely disappointed and confused, and I felt even worse that I already did, “what do you mean?”

I tried my best for this to make sense, “I mean I wouldn’t hold it against you if you wanted to date Conrad again, you know to see if there is still something there. If you’re meant to be with him- if that’s what you both want, I’ll be pissed initially even though I’d try to act like I’m not, you know me already” I tried to laugh after I said that to ease the tension between us but I didn’t think it worked even in the slightest, “what I’m trying to say is, we’re all a lot older now, I’ll live with it, eventually I’d be okay. I want you to think of yourself. I never gave you enough credit for thinking of others as well. You always tried to make Conrad and me happy. I knew that was your intention at least, but I want you to do what you really want”

Now more than ever, I took a step back to see everything for what it really was. Life was too important for me to just narrow it down to a relationship. I had a lot of relationships, even if they were all just platonic, this one relationship wouldn’t make or break me. If it was really meant for me, it would find it’s way back to me. I loved Conrad, and I loved Belly, and if they were the happiest together, I’d find a way, someday, to live with it.

BACK TO BELLY’S POV:

I couldn’t believe what he said, but I could tell he was serious. For once, there was no sarcasm in his voice. I could also tell by his tone that he was confident in what he just said to me and that it didn’t stem from any jealousy or insecurity within himself, and I was impressed, “I appreciate your thoughtfulness Jere, but I don’t want to be with Conrad. This wasn’t ever really about choosing anyone. I didn’t choose you, and I didn’t choose him. I chose to be happy and live my life the way I always wanted to, and living it with you was even better than I ever imagined I could. I’m still in love with you, and I’m serious about this, about you. If you don’t want to be with me, I’ll genuinely accept that as well, and try my best to move on too, but I’m not going to date Conrad instead because it’s not what I want”

I couldn’t read his facial expression, but I noticed him look into my eyes, then at my lips and back into my eyes as my heart rate rose.

It looked like he was about to kiss me, and as much as I wanted to kiss him, I didn’t want it to be like last time. I wanted him to be the one to kiss me first.

He got even closer and brushed my hair behind my left ear as goosebumps traveled down my entire body. I changed my mind.  

BACK TO JEREMIAH’S POV:

She kissed my lips, and I couldn’t believe how much I missed them. I released all the tension that was bottled inside me the past week and relaxed into her embrace.  

It felt like a dream that followed the end of a nightmare.

CONRAD’S POV: 

I was walking to my car when I noticed a girl with a bunch of workout gear. It looked like one of her bags would fall at any moment and sure enough, in the next second, all her items fell to the ground. I rushed over to help her, “hey I got it”

“Shit!” She looked flustered, “thank you, it’s fine, I got it”

I placed a few of the items back into one of her bags when I noticed a sweatshirt with the words that read, ‘Carolina.’

I assumed that was her name, “Carolina”

She looked even more red than a second ago, “it’s pronounced like ‘Carol-eena’, and my name’s actually Natasha. Carolina’s my middle name”

Both names sounded equally beautiful. I’d never met someone with the name Carolina pronounced that way before, “Oh, I see, I’m Conrad.”

She looked a little confused as to why I just told her my name, and I realized that did sound a little odd. I think I just told her that because she told me her name, but her name was on the sweater, so I guess that was different, “Okay um, well thanks Conrad for helping me with my things, I appreciate it. I was already running really late so, uh have a nice day!”

I watched her run away faster than I’d ever seen anyone in person run before.