THE WINTER I TURNED INTELLIGENT: CHAPTER 6 (PT. 1)

Important Note from Dreamy Plots & Story Talks: This story contains suggestive language and sexual content and is only suitable for readers that are 18+.

Chapter 6 (part 1):

Natasha’s POV:

I wasn’t always like this.

When I was younger, I used to love being around lots of people. The more people I was around, the more peace it gave me. These days I felt the most peace when I was by myself. Now I couldn’t have steered further away from crowds.

I was taking a break from my morning run. I stood along the shore, as I breathed in the chilly North Carolina air. There was something special about being awake when most of the town was still asleep. The ocean was the most serene it had been in weeks. Not one wave crashed against the sand. I could have stood there for hours. After my third deep breath, most of my sweat had already evaporated. I had to pace myself because I still had half my run left.

I didn’t have time for any distractions as my parents had instilled in me at a young age. They’d told me I had a big imagination growing up and was always off daydreaming about my next adventure.

They would warn me however that without clear focus and discipline this same imagination would cost me once I was older. My grandma was the one who would remind me I also needed to have fun.

My grandma grew up in Greece and didn’t have much growing up. The stories she had told me from when she was a kid were devastating.

There were times where her family didn’t have enough food, so they would have to share what they had among the many siblings she had.

I was born in the United States, but I was raised for most of my early childhood in Greece. My parents couldn’t afford staying in the United States, so they both worked hard every single day to make sure my sister Nina and I could have the life they wanted us to have here where they knew we would have more opportunities.

I knew deep down it’s what my grandma wanted because she never wanted us to struggle the way she had to. I was seven when we moved back here. It was hard for my grandma to let go of her family, but she did it to be with us. We moved to North Carolina, in a city not too far from the town where we lived now, and I remembered being so homesick.

Even though I was only seven years old, I didn’t want to let go of my friends. They had become a part of my family. Luckily, I had learned to speak English back in Greece. My grandma always said that communication was one of the most important parts of daily life and valued learning as many languages as possible. She’d say the more languages you learned, the more you could connect with people from many different cultures.

Before she passed away, she gave me two things. She told me to never lose the magic. For a woman who had endured as much as she had, you would have never expected her to give such advice. It seemed almost silly to me at the time. I would later find out the only silly part about it was my condescending attitude toward her words. I still remembered her exact words: ‘you could be on top of the world or stuck at the very bottom, don’t lose the magic. You lose the magic, then it’s over, but with the magic, it’s never over.” My favorite thing she gave me was her name, Carolina. She loved my name, so she had said she wanted this to be my middle name, even though I loved her name more.

After she passed away, I turned my focus to my career because that was the only thing I had complete control over. Everything else was out of my hands. There was a brief moment where I held out hope for a relationship, but the way my first and only one burned me was my final straw. I had to only focus on myself, on protecting myself, on looking out for myself. Carolina used to do that for me. When I was troubled, Carolina would be there to remind me, ‘my Natasha things will get better’ and a day later when I needed the reminder again she was there. But when I told myself that, I never felt things got better. It only worked when she had said it.

The person that gave me the most magic was gone. Without her here, the magic didn’t exist. It never really did because she was the magic.

Nina was a lot better at moving on from everything than me, but I often wondered if she just didn’t show how she felt. Sometimes I envied how effortless she made relationships seem. Her relationships always seemed to end amicably, with no real drama left trailing. I, on the other hand, avoided the one ex I had. But when the guy I strangely met last week named Jeremiah told me about how his ex called out her other ex’s name during an intimate moment, it brought back the awful memory I hoped to never remember again.

Two Autumns Ago:

Sophomore year of college was going better than expected. A year ago, I hadn’t even been on a first date before, and now I was dating the most “popular guy” on campus.

Kyle was the type of guy you only ever dreamed of, one you’d read about in books or see on tv. I was heading back to his dorm from the gym to drop off our matching Halloween costumes that we had ordered off of Amazon. Originally, I was going to give it to him during dinner later that night, but my excitement at how great the costumes looked in person had gotten the best of me. I eagerly ran up the stairs and knocked on his door.

I heard some music, but I couldn’t quite discern what song was playing. It seemed like a slow song, but it could have been anything. I tried opening the door, and luckily it was unlocked. Then, I heard a sound that was definitely not part of the music. Kyle was on top of another girl, one who I didn’t even bother observing because my eyes were glued to him and the fact that he was completely naked. I thought I would have froze, but instead I just ran.

It wasn’t until I was almost to my dorm when I realized I dropped the costumes in his room.  

To think that I was going to give him my virginity later that weekend. He knew I was a virgin a few weeks into dating, and he had told me he’d never pressure me into anything and wanted my first time to be all on my own terms. What bullshit that all was. Little did I know he had been quite literally having his cake and eating it too.

I knew he was the problem, but immediately after, he’d made me feel I had done something wrong. Why else would someone do such a thing?

I would later learn that it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with him.

He couldn’t stand that I was confident and he wasn’t, and ironically, all the confidence I had when we first met had been shattered at the sight of him with someone else.

Kyle’s answer had been pathetic too. ‘Natasha you’re always busy, you never have time for me.’

All I heard was ‘Natasha if you were a different person then I wouldn’t have cheated on you.’ I decided that I would be nothing like how I was before, not for him but for myself. In retrospect, would I have changed anything about myself if it wasn’t for him? I doubted it.

I wondered how much of the relationship was real. Was all of it a lie? I wouldn’t get the truth from him, and I’d most likely never know how he really felt about me from the start.

Halloween became my least favorite holiday after that day when it was the one I looked forward to the most growing up. I stopped looking forward to dressing up and instead stayed in and watched my favorite Halloween movies like Halloweentown and The Nightmare Before Christmas.

Back to Present Day:

Conrad’s POV:

I would always love Belly whether it was in a relationship or from a distance.

More so, I was certain I’d admire her forever for being there for me when I was an absolute jerk to her. Jeremiah deservedly so wouldn’t really speak to me when our mom died. Belly was the only one who was there for me. I didn’t think I could have gone through my grief without her, but all I did was bring her even more grief than she most likely felt at the time as well. I know my mom was like her second mom, and it had been difficult for her to let go either. Now that I was older, I wished someone had been there for Jeremiah as well. I think that’s the biggest reason why I let go of Belly. It killed me inside knowing no one was there for him. But it wasn’t just about Jeremiah. I saw Belly happy the way I always wanted her to be when she was with him.  

I wanted to fix everything I hated about myself, and I wished she could have waited for me, but I knew that would have been selfish. I didn’t want to use my pain as an excuse to burden her any longer.

I didn’t date anyone after Belly, not seriously at least. I tried going on a date because Steven had reminded me it had been two years and that I would forget how to even speak during a date if I didn’t go on one soon. He tried to get me to join a few dating apps, which I instantly rejected. It just wasn’t for me.

Belly’s POV:

I went to a coffee shop to get some coffee for the party Steven was throwing Conrad since he was back in town for a few weeks. I was waiting for my turn when I got there the same time as this other girl, “oh sorry, you can go”

She also looked startled, “no go ahead, I’m not in a hurry”

She had on a t-shirt that said honeymoon on it, and I instantly recognized the font “Is that like Lana Del Rey, honeymoon?”

She smiled wide, “Yeah, I love her!”

I loved when I met people who liked similar music to me because it didn’t happen very often, “same, she’s my top artist, well her and Taylor Swift!”

She continued, “I love Taylor Swift’s music as well. With the two of them combined, there’s literally a song for any situation”

I laughed at how true that statement was, “literally”, then continued, “a lot of my friends like only one of them and feel so strongly about it, so it always makes me so happy when I find someone that likes Taylor and Lana”

Her eyes grew even wider in agreement, “Exactly! It’s like there’s room for both of them, they are both magical in their own ways!... And don’t you just love it when you meet a guy you like who strongly dislikes them both??”

I couldn’t believe that was the next thing I was going to say, “Oh don’t even get me started on that!”

We both started laughing. I liked her. She had a sense of humor. I didn’t remember the last time I clicked with a friend the way I had with Taylor.

Then it was my turn to order. After she ordered, I noticed her phone started ringing. I was slightly disappointed that our conversation was cut short, but I had to leave anyways as soon as the coffee was ready.

Back to Natasha’s POV:

I was still on the phone when I got distracted as soon as the barista called her name, “Belly, your order’s ready.” Belly? Why did that name sound so familiar? Wait, was it the same Belly Jeremiah had told me was his ex fiancé? That wasn’t exactly a common name. That had to have been her. She seemed really nice, and she was very beautiful. She also had this glow about her that didn’t match one of heartbreak. Her and Jeremiah must have made up. I was glad.

Back to Conrad’s POV:

I liked going to parties more now than before. Parties used to be a way of escaping my reality. Ever since I’ve learned how to better cope with what I was going through during the moment, I now enjoyed them. It was a way of relaxing and spending time with the people that I cared about most.

Steven patted my shoulders, “Conrad’s back everyone!”

I didn’t recognize all the guests, and I still wasn’t used to the attention, “Uh thank you, okay, okay guys thank you really,” and then I turned to Steven, “It means a lot that you did all this, thank you”

Steven grabbed me a drink, “Doctor Fisher is making waves”

I took a sip, “hey not so fast, I just started medical school.”

I loved how excited he looked because I was as well, “Yeah but you’re going to be so much closer now that you’re going to Yale, hey you can brag a little okay, it’s fucking awesome! And now we can all see each other more hopefully”

I hoped so too, but my class schedule was already beyond brutal, “I’m swamped with classes so I’m just here for a bit, but yes hopefully”

Steven noticed Taylor was calling him from across the room. I noticed the trash was full, so I took it outside. I was surprised to find Belly had followed me, “hey congrats again! It’s nice that you’re back here. Nothing like an East Coast autumn, right?”

I did miss this place a lot, “Yes it’s something special alright”

I was surprised at what she said next, “I wanted to apologize for texting you that night, I didn’t mean to cause any tension between you and Jeremiah. I was going through something, and instead of processing it, I tried to distract myself, but I shouldn’t have involved you like that”

I was a little caught off guard, “It’s okay, we’re all good, don’t worry.”

She looked relieved, “I’m glad, well I’ll see you inside!”

My chest felt a little heavy all of a sudden so I took in a slightly deeper breath hoping she wouldn’t notice, “Yeah, see you”

She didn’t notice, and that made me relieved. I had learned through meditation to manage my panic attacks when I felt them coming with breathing techniques. They made a world of difference. I reflected on what Belly had just said to me. There was more I could have told her about how it wasn’t okay. Most of what happened between us hadn’t been okay, but it wasn’t necessary, and it wouldn’t do anything now, so I didn’t say anything.

When I got back inside, I saw Belly and Jeremiah making out in the corner.

I didn’t mind when they looked at each other a certain way or even slightly kissed, but when they were doing it full on, I couldn’t watch. I knew I was over the idea of Belly and I ever getting back together, but I just didn’t need to see that.

I told Steven I was going to go to pick up ice from the grocery store. When I was leaving the supermarket, I made a stop next door to the local frozen yogurt shop I liked going to when visiting. They had this mango flavored yogurt that was seasonal. I remembered that they still had it in November though. I went inside and was immediately disappointed, “what no”

A girl turned around with the same facial expression I had, “I know that’s what I said too-”

I was surprised, “Natasha?”

Either she was a local here as well, or this was a freaky coincidence, “Conrad, right?”

I nodded and didn’t know why I was happy she remembered, “let’s see if they have the second best flavor here”

She was scanning the flavors beside me, “key lime pie?”

I narrowed my eyes at her in disbelief, “She runs that fast, AND she can read minds?”

She smirked, “well that depends on what toppings you get”

With my best poker face I covered the toppings so we couldn’t take a peek at them and noticed her laugh, “sour gummy bears, that’s the only option here, it looks like they’re out of the other toppings”

She rolled her eyes, “Right, yeah it looks like you’re hiding the rest of the toppings”

I shook my head at her, “You ‘sit on a throne of lies!’”

She snorted, “did you just quote ‘Elf’?!”

I tried to pretend I was offended, “I mean it is a week after Halloween, so it’s basically Christmastime.”

“That is not why I asked you that” and then she continued laughing.

 Steven was right, I had forgotten how to flirt. We filled our yogurt cups and were headed out the door when I asked her, “do you want to walk around with me for a little bit, or we could just sit here?” my God, I sounded psychotic.

She looked a little hesitant, “maybe sitting here would be better, it’s a little cold outside,” and then I pulled her seat out for her first, “wow guys still do that?”

I didn’t know if that meant she wanted to do it herself or not, “Oh, I’m sorry I-”

I was relieved at her response, “No I loved that, it’s good to know that chivalry isn’t completely dead.”

After I sat down across her, I looked into her eyes for more than a few seconds, and it felt like a full minute long, “sorry I blanked out there for a second” I nervously laughed, “I haven’t been on a real date in three years.” Her eyes grew wide and I immediately clarified, “not that this is a date, ‘cause it’s not, it’s definitely not...okay, I’m going to stop talking now.”

She softly laughed, and then her next words relaxed me, “I haven’t been on a date in two years, so I’m right there with you”

I didn’t want to be superficial, but she was stunning and seemed kind and witty, so I was shocked hearing this. Now that I thought about it, I would have assumed she was in a relationship, which wouldn’t have made sense for me to ask her to have frozen yogurt with me in the first place. For an overthinker, I clearly hadn’t thought any of this through.

 “So what are you doing here on a Sunday night?” I didn’t want to assume she was trying to flirt with me, but if she was, it appeared as if she was just as bad at it as me.

I awkwardly continued having my dessert, “Um, getting frozen yogurt”

She laughed louder than I expected and shook her head, “okay I’m sorry but I hate small talk. Also, I’m not really good with strangers. Actually come to think of it, I’m not really good with people” and then continued laughing almost deliriously that it now made me laugh.

“Now that I can definitely relate to,” I wasn’t a fan of small talk either, “I was escaping a party my best friend threw me for coming back to town. I actually lied to him saying we needed more ice, but he was too drunk to notice we had plenty of it,” She was listening very intently, and it was clear she was waiting for the mystery to be solved, “my ex and my brother were making out quite graphically, and I didn’t want to be in the same room as them”

She nodded her head at the clarification, “ouch...” she paused then continued, “with all due respect, what is it with everyone today and love triangles? I’ve heard more of them in the past few days than in my entire life. I thought you just read about them, I never really knew they existed this often in real life, and did you say your ex is now with your brother? Like this is some Vampire Diaries shit”

I laughed because I had no idea what that was, “yeah it is very odd if you really think about it, but we all grew up together, and there’s just so many memories between us. It’s just complicated, there’s no other way to put it.” I tried to change the subject, “What about you, did you make it to wherever you were running to earlier yesterday?”

That probably wasn’t the best idea after hearing her response, “Yes I did, speaking of that, I should head out, I have some projects to catch up on. I’m still in college. It’s my senior year”

I was hopeful again that she continued the conversation, “Oh nice, where do you go?”

I wondered if she wanted to leave or was also enjoying the conversation. Did she think I was boring, or was she having a good time? I couldn’t really tell, “Yale, for business.”

How was this all a coincidence? “I go to Yale too, I’m getting my MD”

She looked equally surprised as me, “Wow that’s incredible, I’m in my last year of undergrad, but I-”. We were interrupted by her phone, “sorry to leave this quickly”

I understood, it wasn’t like this was planned. She could have had other plans and could have had to have left as soon as she got the frozen yogurt, “Well let me walk you out to your car”

She smiled and looked very surprised, “You’re the second guy who’s said that to me in the past week, and I’m starting to question if I have now entered an alternate reality”

I laughed and for a second wondered what she meant by ‘second guy.’ A minute ago she had told me how she hadn’t been on a date in two years, so I was curious what she could have been referring to, “It’s not really that hard, you’re making me blush”

She tried not to smile, but I could see past it.

I continued, “If it doesn’t affect your schedule, would you like to go with me to the boardwalk? They have this almost pumpkin patch amusement park theme right now, almost like a fair ground. A few of my friends will be there next weekend”

She looked a little shy all of a sudden so I was a little surprised when she said, “okay”

Back to Natasha’s POV:

Maybe it was time to start dating again. I knew with my schedule that I couldn’t let it distract me, but a little fun wouldn’t hurt. I tried to convince myself that it would in fact help me with everything else because it would provide more balance, “Yeah that sounds like a lot of fun. I’d love to”

Back to Conrad’s POV:

“Okay yeah, great, can I have your number?” She put her number in my phone, and I texted her once she left. Maybe now when Belly and Jeremiah would make out at the boardwalk, I wouldn’t even notice anymore. I hoped so.

Jeremiah’s POV:

When Belly and I got home from Taylor and Steven’s, I went to the dining table to start finishing studying for my marketing exam that was on Tuesday. I barely got to the second page when I felt Belly wrap her arms around my neck, “is this the best time to study?”

I looked up at her from my seat, “if I want to graduate in a few months, yes,” she giggled, then sighed but started kissing my neck from behind.

I closed my eyes at my kryptonite, “Belly...”

All I heard was, “hmmm? Take a few minute break”

I tried to keep reading the page, but it was pointless, “you know damn well it won’t just be a few minutes”

She smiled against my neck, “okay then take a few hours break,” and then placed her hand into the opening of the top of my flannel.  

I placed my hand over hers as she traveled down my chest, “okay, you win,” I got up from my chair and picked her up and took us to the couch. I could hear her giggling until she said, “let’s go to your room, I missed your bed,”

I reminded her, “our room and our bed”

I noticed her blush even more, “off to the bed” and I picked her up and literally ran to the bed with her in my arms. I didn’t know who was laughing louder as we both fell onto the bed.

For a brief second, the emotionally draining week caught up with me. As soon as my eyes found hers, my energy was restored, “I don’t know about you, but all I did was think of you this entire week, maybe a little too much...there was also this shower moment...well almost shower moment...”

She looked redder than the entire night, “well I had a bath moment, and it wasn’t an almost moment, it was an actual moment”

I laughed louder than I should have, “okay, tell me all about it, don’t leave out any details”

As she laughed, I got up and propped myself on my elbows waiting eagerly to hear the story, “oh you’re serious?” She got up slightly now and started tracing my arm, “let’s just say I was thinking about your hands... and maybe a little about your lips, maybe...”

I wondered if she could feel my goosebumps as she touched my skin, “I don’t really understand what you’re saying...you’re going to have to be a little more specific”

She smirked at my very intentional obliviousness and then started to unbutton her shirt, “I’ll have to show you more than I can tell you”

I could have sworn she could hear the sound of my heartbeat and heavy breathing in that moment. She took my hands and placed them on both sides of her thighs, “Bells you’re making me blush”

As she laughed, I leaned in to kiss her softly, then with more intensity. A second later, I heard Hazel bark, then realized I forgot to give her a snack that I usually did once I got home when I was out late. She never forgot, and I felt bad that I had forgotten, “shit, I’m sorry Bells, I have to give Hazel her snack, I’ll be right back.”

I got up from the bed and Hazel was still waiting right by it before I left, “don’t worry, but now I get one more hour!” I smiled as I ran out the door. When I got back Belly had pulled her favorite blanket over her as I went back to lay beside her, “mmm I missed this bed,” Belly nuzzled into my neck, “it’s so cozy.” 

My fingers traced her back as I smirked, “my neck or the bed?”

I felt her teeth gently press into my neck, “both...” as the tension from before started all over again. I knew that would leave a mark that I would pretend to forget to cover with my sweater tomorrow, and she would know it as well.

LAST AUTUMN:

Back to NATASHA’S POV:

I knew Kyle would be at tonight’s party. He never missed his frat’s parties, especially not the Halloween ones. I wore a one-shoulder sleeveless black velvet dress that was shorter than what I was typically used to. I didn’t really have a costume on, and there was no real purpose to my costume other than to make him regret what he did. My nails matched my lipstick, the darkest shade of maroon from my vanity. The best part of my “costume” was my knee-high boots that had 4-inch heels. It would make me taller than him, something he had always poked fun at.

At the time, I thought it was just a light-hearted joke. I would later find that everything was very intentional with him. It was ironic really that the one guy everyone wanted also happened to be the most insecure. The bright lights and loud music could have made it hard for me to spot him, but with that face, I wasn’t surprised when I saw him right when I entered the crowded room. He was having a conversation with a few girls from the most “popular” sorority. It brought back all the anger I felt a year ago. I tried to forgive him for my own sake. My pride had other plans though. Somehow, I was even angrier than before.

To think that I told him I wouldn’t have pegged him as the type of guy to want to be in a fraternity when we first met. How stupid was I? Not that there was anything wrong in joining a fraternity or sorority. I had nothing against it. My sister Nina was in a sorority in college, and she had a very positive experience with it. It’s just from everything Kyle had told me about himself, it hadn’t made sense to me why he wanted to be in one.

He had described himself as an introvert and would say a lot of the frat parties and activities made him overwhelmed especially since he had to balance it all with academics and soccer. He was the captain of the team and had a goal to play professionally.

Looking at him right now, you would have never guessed he was shy or miserable to be here, not one bit.

I turned my attention to my date Alex. He was the captain of the volleyball team, and he was 6’5’’, so I was still much shorter than him with my heels.

I knew that would piss off Kyle, and I couldn’t wait to see the look on his face when he saw us together.

Alex had shown genuine interest in me, but I could no longer differentiate what was real from what was fake. I had joked that he should dress as a famous soccer player like David Beckham, and I could be Victoria Beckham, even though my costume could have really been anyone. I knew that would also piss off Kyle that the captain of the volleyball team would be dressed up as a soccer player, when soccer was his thing.

When I spotted Alex, I knew it was time.

I pressed my heels against the ground, and made sure each step I took felt intentional, for the first time not worrying if I’d trip or not.

Back to Present Day:

Back to Conrad’s POV:

I hadn’t felt that familiar nervous feeling since I was with Belly. My heart was beating faster tonight than it had around another person in years. Steven was my closest friend, but even he lived far from me since I was on the West Coast before. I met a lot of great people while at Stanford, but it was nice knowing I would now know someone at Yale.

A few years ago, I lost everything. I lost my brother, my mom, the love of my life, but most of all myself. I was lucky to have my friends around me. Meditation and yoga both played a big role in changing my life. A lot of my friends in the pre-med program I was in were women, and freshman year, they asked me to join them for a yoga session. I remembered initially taking it as a joke, until I tried it for myself. From that day on, I tried to do at least half an hour a day of yoga or meditation, and it significantly reduced my stress and panic attacks. Naturally when you start getting over your trauma, you still have moments where you’re haunted by past mistakes that still affect you today. If I had only learned all this a year before, everything would have been different. At least it could have been different, but now I’d never know.

I never wanted to fuck anything up, and yet all I ever did was fuck everything up.

Back to LAST AUTUMN:

Back to Natasha’s POV:

I put my hands on Alex’s waist and pressed my lips against his. I thought about looking at Kyle while kissing Alex, but I knew that wouldn’t have the same effect. I wanted to look way more into it than any kiss I had had with Kyle. As he pulled his lips slightly away from mine, I kept his bottom lip in between my lips and then slowly pulled away when I heard him grunt, “fuck, where did you learn how to kiss like that?”

It worked. I smiled knowing in my periphery Kyle was most likely fuming, “you weren’t half bad yourself,” I smiled at him, “I’m gonna get us some drinks, I’ll be right back”, and then kissed his cheek.

I walked past Kyle without looking at him even for a second and instead glared ahead toward the direction of the bar. I felt amazing and wanted my eyes to show nothing but confidence.

I decided to retouch my lipstick first. As I passed through the hallway, I recognized his voice as much as I’d recognized his face, “Natasha you know you look better than anyone here”

I knew this had nothing to do with what he did, but I just had to take the opportunity to throw it in his face, “so that’s why you cheated on me?”

I knew he wasn’t complimenting me now that I knew who he exactly was, “we had this conversation last year, you know I fucked up, I know I fucked up, but did you really need to do all of this for my attention?”

He always had to make everything about him, “You think I did this for your attention?! I like Alex, have you seen him? He’s kind, talented, and get this, he even doesn’t mind dating one person at a time!”

“Oh I know he likes you, but I don’t think you really like him,” most guys would have tried to get closer in that moment, but he knew how this game worked and had this almost reverse psychology spell on me.

The fact that he didn’t move closer to me made me want to move in closer to him, “tell me if you’re this intuitive, why weren’t you self-aware enough to keep it in your pants, huh?”

 Now he walked closer to me, and he knew his plan had worked.

I was livid at myself that the first thought that popped in my head was that I wanted Kyle to kiss me. After what he did to me, I couldn’t believe how I felt standing there that close to him. I didn’t expect what he said to me next, “You know why I liked you? ...because you were nothing like me. I used to respect you more than anyone else. But now look at you. You’ve turned into me.” He paused for a second and continued to look into my eyes, “You’re just like me.” Then he moved a few steps back and turned around toward the party.

Now I didn’t run. I froze. He had no right to say any of that to me. We were not the same person. But in that moment, I believed him. I didn’t cheat on Alex, but I wasn’t honest with him either. In my head, I assumed he was hiding something too, the way they all were. It was only a matter of time.

Maybe Alex could have been the love of my life. Maybe he would have been an even bigger asshole than Kyle turned out to be. I guess I’d never know because the pain I felt wasn’t worth going through all that all over again. I had none of these problems when I kept more to myself. When I was focused and free from distractions like my parents had always wanted from me, I was surely guaranteed to never run into trouble. This was under my control. I would become a mystery that didn’t ever need to solved.

Deep down I knew the only mystery here was why I ever tried to see the best in people who never saw me.

Back to Present Day:

On my run the next morning, I was thinking of relationships and if I was ready to be in one again. Conrad had just asked me to go to the boardwalk. Maybe it wasn’t even a date? It felt like it would be, but this is what I did. I wanted to downplay it all that way I had no expectations. No expectations meant no disappointments. Even with no expectations, knowing me, I would have found a way to disappoint myself. Hearing other people talk about their relationship problems had been equally healing as time had been to get over my awful first relationship. Now that I had a potential date, I realized just how much I had been so focused on my career and finishing school that I didn’t go out as much as I used to. Well, I guess I did realize it before, I just never had a problem with it. Two strangers I met, both in the span of just one week, Jeremiah and Conrad, had almost showed me that heartache didn’t need to continue on. At some point, it would become a conscious choice to try your best to move past it. I thought of what my grandma Carolina would have wanted for me.

I knew without a doubt that she’d encourage me to go on the date. So I would keep trying to hold on to the magic not only for myself, but also for both of us. I knew she was still here with me. It’s what got me through it all. On my highest days and lowest ones, I wouldn’t give up because that’s not what she had taught me.

I broke from my trance when I received a text from my coach, “Natasha practice starts in twenty minutes, you’re missing warm-ups”

Breathing in the salt air, I started counting down the moments until I’d be back to my favorite North Carolina coastline. This was going to be a long few weeks, especially with training. I could already feel it. I ran toward the city and away from my town, trying my best to keep our magic going.