the winter i turned intelligent: chapter 8 (pt. 2)

Important Note from Dreamy Plots & Story Talks: This story contains suggestive language and sexual content and is only suitable for readers that are 18+.

Chapter 8 (part 2):

Jeremiah’s POV (continued):

Natasha underestimated how much silverware she could carry. Moments before she got to the table, all the metal forks and spoons fell onto the misty grass. She quietly yet sternly blurted out, “Fuck.”

I bent down to help before she moved the utensils out of my way, “I got it. I don’t need your help.” 

There was no point in arguing with her. I just watched as she rearranged everything and got up. As we continued setting up the tables, I had to ask, “why are you so mean to me, but when you’re with Conrad, you’re all sweet and kind?” Her lack of response added to my frustration, “It’s like I don’t even recognize you when you’re with him.” 

She said this with the most stoic tone, “Because you’re nothing like him.”

It didn’t sound like an insult, but it definitely wasn’t a compliment either, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

She just shrugged, and I decided to let it go. This night wasn’t supposed to be about whatever this was. It was supposed to be about families coming together and enjoying an evening together. I tried my best to redirect the subject back to the community since we had several hours left to stand each other until Belly would luckily be here, “I just met Debbie, and she’s an amazing lady. I wasn’t too surprised that we hadn’t met yet since this place is fairly large.” Natasha continued preparing the table next to mine but gave me small glances every few seconds or so, “she told me about her best friend Carolina and how she loved going on walks with her and watching Breakfast at Tiffany’s with her. It’s funny because that’s one of Belly’s favorites as well. I didn’t know you also liked that movie as well.” Natasha’s eyes filled with more sadness than it had before, so I tried to give her a compliment, “well, that’s awesome how close you and Debbie were.”

I was confused when she continued to look down, “Debbie wasn’t talking about me. She was talking about my grandma. Her name was Carolina too, and she passed away when I was little. That’s where I got my middle name from.”

So that’s why Natasha had put her name in my phone as ‘Carolina.’ Her middle name was clearly special to her. I felt like I had just put my foot in my mouth, “Oh, I didn’t know I assumed she was talking about you. I’m really sorry.” 

“Yeah, me too,” Then she moved to the next table.

“My mom passed away when I was still in high school.” Natasha looked up at me for a moment, “She loved coming here. She actually volunteered here.”

“I’m sorry, I had no idea.” Her tone implied she felt remorse. 

I tried to give a look of ‘it’s no big deal,’ even though it was a very big deal, “We were really close. She was my first best friend.” Natasha stopped arranging the utensils and continued to listen attentively as I tried my best to prevent my eyes from watering, “there were times where I felt that she was my only friend.”

She cleared her throat before speaking, “Yeah, I know what you mean. My grandma felt like home for me. Moving at a young age would have felt daunting if she wasn’t with us. But wherever we went still felt like home because she was beside me. And when she wasn’t- I felt lost. I didn’t really know where home was anymore.” She paused for a second, “she loved watching me skate. I guess that’s a big reason why I like it so much, I feel at home no matter where I’m skating.”

I wanted to respect what she had shared with me, “she’d be proud of you, I’m sure of it,” but I also wanted to lighten up the mood, “you know we don’t need three forks for each person, just two.”

She looked somewhat startled by the sudden change of topic, “oh, uh, you know with all those pies, maybe three makes more sense. I hate pie, but that cherry pie I just had- WOW it was unreal.” 

It was nice to hear that she approved of my mom’s recipe, “That was my mom’s cherry pie recipe. She gave the chef that was working here at the time her recipe because the residents loved it so much, so the staff now uses it especially during the holidays.”

Natasha’s eyes grew wide, “okay maybe I judged your cooking skills from that falafel you made me too soon then.” 

I tilted my face slightly, “was the falafel worse or my Halloween costume?” 

She shook her head, “that’s not a fair question.”

I nodded with sarcasm and assumed the latter was true, “well remember you were going to show me what an authentic gladiator costume looked like?” 

“Yeah, I remember.” Her tone grew less playful, and the familiar delayed eye contact in silence from weeks ago had returned.  

The director of the center Ivette arrived a moment later and interrupted, “Jeremiah, we can’t thank you enough for helping us keep this place. Your mom would have been so proud of you. We all are.” She gave me a big hug, greeted Natasha, and then left to continue the preparations for the evening.  

“What was that all about?” Natasha looked intrigued.

“Oh, it’s nothing, it’s just nice this place is staying right here.” Knowing her, she would have asked further questions.

Sure enough, she did, “That did not look like nothing. How did you help keep the center?”

I wasn’t surprised she also knew about the potential sale from before, “When we all first found out about the sale, we were disappointed of course but also wondered if there was a way to stop it from happening. So Ivette, the board, and a lot of the volunteers researched ways to prevent it. It turned out, in order to be involved you needed to have a master’s degree in business. Only two people on the board had one, and we needed one more. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, you know for my career, and I was in the middle of college. So I decided getting an MBA would be worthwhile my time. The subjects seemed interesting and something I’d actually be good at. I didn’t always have the best grades before, but pursing this degree really helped me find what my strengths were. It turns out I wasn’t bad at academics, I was just studying the things that weren’t my strengths.” I realized I was rambling for too long so I tried to get to the point, “I knew how much this place meant to my mom, but it wasn’t just about her anymore. I grew up with these people, and a lot of the families here are family to me now. So it felt like a no-brainer to me. I had to help.”

Natasha was quiet for longer than expected, “that’s- that’s incredible. You’re a really determined person Jeremiah. I’m impressed. I don’t really know what else to say...Ivette was right though. Your mom would definitely be more than proud of you.”

“Thank you. That means a lot.” This was one of the sincerest compliments I’d received before. Given that Natasha hadn’t given many compliments, I knew she had meant it.

We continued to set up the patio for the next hour or so and were now preparing the movie setup. The residents had voted to watch The Great Gatsby. Natasha handed me the film, while I set up the projector for later, “someone has impeccable taste.”

I laughed, “I know, I was glad they picked that movie as well. I love the book.” 

“So do I.” Then Natasha laughed louder than I had ever heard her laugh before. I noticed how pleasant her laugh was.  

I wondered what she was laughing about though, “what??”

“It’s a good thing you’re getting your MBA because directing is not your specialty.” My cheeks grew red at the bushes that were now projecting a close-up of my face rather than the movie that I wanted to test for accuracy before the event.

“This is why we check these things before,” I laughed along with her.

We finished setting up the film for later, and I noticed the time, “I’m going to head out, so I have time to change. I’ll see you later?”

“Uh, yeah, see you later. I’ll go help Debbie get ready.” She started walking away, and I left to get ready and pick up Belly.

Natasha’s POV:

“Debbie, it’s okay. What I’m wearing is fine. Who am I even trying to impress? I don’t have a date.” I knew she would give me a lecture as soon as I’d said it.  

“Darling is that the attitude we’re going to have? You don’t dress to impress anyone, you’re going to dress up for yourself and yourself only. Now here, this is my daughter’s dress from when she was around your age. I think it’ll fit. Go try it on.” She handed me the dress, and the only reason I agreed was because it was a beautiful dress.

It was a slightly above the knee silver dress covered in small sequins and beads that danced in the light. This was the type of dress that would shimmer and stand out in the moonlight. I went to show Debbie, “it is pretty lovely. But I don’t have any shoes...” I looked down at my sneakers.

Debbie said I could borrow one of Rosy’s because we were a similar size. She gave me two options, and I chose the transparent ballet flats that were covered with tiny silver gems. It matched the dress pretty well, and I knew I’d be more comfortable in flats than in heels.

“Thank you Debbie, for everything. You look so beautiful.” She always knew how to make me feel special.

Debbie glowed in her silver sequin top and black dressy pants, “don’t even mention it. You look gorgeous honey. I know you don’t want to impress anyone, but he will be impressed.”

I knew exactly who Debbie was referring to and laughed inside at how she wouldn’t let it go, “I told you, he’s engaged.”

“Okay, and you have a boyfriend.” She reminded me how this was even worse.

“Exactly, nothing could ever happen.” I shouldn’t have been disappointed after saying that.

“Look, I’m not telling you to go break up a couple, and I’m not saying to cheat on your boyfriend. Life’s short, and it’s also long. Enjoy every moment you can, and don’t worry too much on the things that you can’t control. Be smart. I already know you’re smart. But there is a time that you need to think of what you also want. Stop thinking of everyone else. You could never be selfish, and I’m not saying to start now. But think of what Natasha also wants. I’m not just talking about this guy.” She managed to say all the right things but not change any of the situation.  

I was as perplexed as I was before, so I just nodded, and she gave me a mysterious smile. As I walked into the patio again, everything looked even brighter at night. The decorations of silver, gold, red, and green were beaming, the tables were charming, and everyone was dressed in a 1920’s theme, which made the silver dress Debbie chose for me make a lot more sense now.

I went to get Debbie and myself some food when I returned and saw her speaking to a few of her friends. They were clearly enjoying their time together, and I didn’t want to intrude. I ate the green beans, sweet potatoes, and lemon pepper salmon alone by one of the sparkling trees that Jeremiah and I had decorated.

Belly and Jeremiah arrived hand in hand. She looked beautiful as usual with a gold embellished dress that had gold-beaded fringe and the most striking gold heels I’d seen before. Belly probably had the prettiest dress of the evening.

They greeted me and a lot of the guests, then sat at a table, and ate their food together. The movie started shortly after, and everything went surprisingly well. The movie projected correctly, and there was laughter, tears, and swoons all throughout it.

Ivette and a few board members of the center gave speeches all thanking the community including Jeremiah for their efforts to keep the place.  

The DJ began to play music, and most of the couples began dancing. There wasn’t really a dance floor, just a large area of empty grass next to the table to dance.

The table Debbie and I were sitting at was next to Belly and Jeremiah’s. When I heard the next slow song that played, I sighed to myself, “I love this song.”

I didn’t realize Debbie had heard me say this. She knew this was one of my favorite songs of all-time, “dear, Jeremiah?”

“Debbie what are you doing??” My heart rate increased, worried what she would tell him next.

But she ignored me, “Won’t you be a gentleman and dance with Natasha?”

I wanted to hide. I didn’t want to be rude to Debbie so I quietly leaned toward Belly and Jeremiah, “uh just ignore her, she’s knows I like this song, that’s all, I’m so sorry.”

Before any of us could react, Steve looked at Jeremiah and said, “she doesn’t have a date, I think you should dance with her.” The few ladies around us also chimed in and agreed, and I felt awful for Belly even more than I did for Jeremiah. This wasn’t right, and I interjected again, “okay everyone, I appreciate the support, I really do. But they’re getting married, this wouldn’t be appropriate. And I’m good really, please stop.”

Belly chimed in next, “no you two should dance. It’s just a dance, right?”

I couldn’t tell if she was challenging me or sincerely meant what she said, but that didn’t change the fact that I wasn’t going to accept. I wanted to leave this place immediately and cry, and it took a lot for me to want to cry.

Belly turned to Jeremiah, “ask her to dance.” Jeremiah was frozen, and I imagined he felt as embarrassed as I did.

Belly’s POV:

I was shocked, but I wasn’t as shocked as I’d thought I would have been. For an instant, I was reminded of the Christmas event from two years ago.

Two Winters Ago:

Jeremiah’s hands were wrapped around my waist, and the night had been as magical as it always was when he was by my side. His forehead was pressed against mine, “what?”

He brushed his nose gently to mine, “what was your favorite song from The Beach Boys?”

“Don’t Worry Baby,” as soon as I said it, the song started playing.

I smiled in disbelief of how someone this compassionate, this thoughtful existed, and more so was all mine. I wanted to enjoy the song, but I also wanted to kiss him, so I did both. I pressed my lips softly against his, and he gently bit my bottom lip. I pulled away, still close enough that our lips almost touched, “hey, I’m so proud of you. I knew you could help these families, and you are. Susannah is watching right now and saying ‘that’s my Jere.’”

I kissed him again before he paused, “Bells I don’t know how I feel with her watching us as we kiss like this right now.”

I laughed, my nose now pressing into his, “she’d be proud of that too.”

Then I heard him burst into laughter, and I knew that I’d always look back on this movie night with a smile.

Back to Present Day:

My stomach was in knots waiting to hear Jeremiah’s response. Some part of me wanted him to say yes because I felt like he could finally get any potential feelings for Natasha out of his system. Being in denial with what could have been going on between them wouldn’t have changed anything. I’d just be lying to myself.

But a big part of me wanted him to say no, even though I would have felt bad for Natasha, especially if I was in her place. Another part of me also felt guilty for kissing Conrad when I had just kissed Jeremiah all those years ago, so I felt that this would make us ‘even’ in a weird way. I looked over to Jeremiah wondering what was going through his mind.

Back to Jeremiah’s POV:

I knew no one would win here. If I said no, a lot of the residents would be disappointed in me, and I’d be hurting Natasha even though I knew she’d understand. If I said yes, I had a feeling Conrad wouldn’t have liked it although I didn’t think he would be too upset about it. Most importantly, Belly meant the most to me, and I knew it would upset her even though she was trying to act like she was the one supporting it. I looked at Belly and heard her now whisper, “Jere, look she doesn’t have a date, and everyone’s looking at her now, and I know it’s nothing to us, but to her, it could be important so it’s okay. You can ask her, if you want though. It’s obviously your choice and hers to decide if she still accepts, but I won’t hold it against you, really.”

I was still about to object when I looked over to Natasha who wasn’t looking in our direction anymore. I knew exactly how she felt, the way I had felt for years around Belly and Conrad, so something in me shifted in that instant. Since Belly approved, and this was just a dance, I got up and went near Natasha so that she could see me. I put out my hand, “do you still want to dance?” 

“No. Thank you.” I was not surprised at all by her reaction.

I knew there was nothing Natasha hated more than to feel like an option, something I had also deeply related too often and unfortunately had also made her feel before as well. I tried to rephrase this, “I like this song too.”

“You do?” She looked up and visibly still looked very embarrassed.  

“No, never heard of it,” I could tell that she was trying not to laugh and sensed that she still wanted to dance.  

“If you don’t want to dance, okay, we don’t need to dance. But Belly doesn’t want to dance right now, and I’ll look a little odd dancing to this by myself. And most of all, everyone’s still staring at us, so that would definitely stop that at the very least.” I think that last part might have helped change her mind, but it was still her choice.

She looked at Belly first, “If we don’t dance, I’ll never hear the end of it from Debbie. But I don’t want to upset you.” 

Belly smiled at her genuinely, “Oh no, it’s fine really, it’s just a dance. If you don’t go now, the song will be over soon.”

Natasha got up but didn’t take my hand. My hands were sweaty anyways, and I wondered if she had noticed. I didn’t know how high or low I should place them or where exactly I should place them without offending her or Belly who I knew was watching us. I also didn’t know how close I should be either. As I was figuring all of these frivolous things out, I noticed Belly accepted a dance from a guy I hadn’t recognized. I didn’t see anyone else near our age here tonight, so I was surprised to see him. Then I realized it was Steve’s grandson who was also in college. Now that Belly was also dancing with someone else, I felt a little less strange that Natasha and I were dancing. Natasha was looking at the lights, the night sky, the trees, everywhere really, but at me, “We don’t need to dance if you don’t want to.”

She flatly said, “No I’m having lots of fun. Yay.”  

“I can tell.” I tried to fill the silence. This wasn’t a romantic dance so talking was the only way it wouldn’t have felt strange, “You’re a better skater than you are a dancer.”

She finally looked at me, “you’ve seen me skate?”

I hadn’t realized that she didn’t see me watch her skate for the first time, “uh yeah, I forgot to tell you that? That day you said you were training for the Olympics, I-”

“Unbelievable. You didn’t believe me, did you?” She mockingly laughed.  

“Well, no, not really,” She scoffed, and I defended, “that’s a pretty bold thing to say...and I was curious.”

She questioned, “Why? I don’t get why you want to know so much about me. You already have someone, you found happiness, what else do you want?”

I wished I hadn’t said any of that to her. I tried to cheer her up, but she was right, I had no business asking her so many questions. I didn’t understand what had gotten into to me.

“Shit. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.” She looked sincere.

“No, you’re right-” She interrupted me and answered my question from earlier today.

“Jeremiah, you’re nothing like Conrad because Conrad is nothing like my ex. You...you’re so much like my ex. In fact, on the outside you reminded me so much of him when I first saw you. From that first day we met, you did not give me a good impression. I thought you were using me from the start. My ex also used me. He slept with a random girl after we had dated for a year when I was about to give him my virginity that same weekend.” She laughed to herself, but I knew she did that to brush off her pain, “So when you walked in that day to our family shop, I thought, okay, here’s this guy that’s basically perfect, thinks he’s perfect, and everyone else also thinks he’s perfect. He’s got us all fooled because it’s all on the surface. Why does no one else see that? Because I was wrong. You’re nothing like my ex at all. You’re kind, respectful, thoughtful,- I don’t need to list them all-, I’m sorry if it came across that I was being mean to you before. It wasn’t what I intended. But this dance, what the fuck is this? We don’t need to do this. Let Debbie say whatever she wants. I don’t care anymore-” She was about to walk away.

“Hey, wait.” I gently wrapped my arms around her lower waist. She continued staring behind me, but I still looked at her eyes, “You’re a beautiful woman. You’re witty as hell, probably more intelligent than soon to be Dr. Conrad Fisher over here, and you have an extraordinary talent. That guy was an asshole, but you don’t need me to tell you that. I know you know how amazing you are. That’s why I’ve been curious to learn this much about you. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like you, and I don’t think I ever will.” She looked into my eyes for a moment, then focused on my shoulder, “I don’t know if you’ll ever find the right person for you, or if it’s my brother or not. All I know is that Natasha Carolina Bouras will not settle for some idiot, and I think she knows that as well. When you get your next trophy, that man will be weeping, if he’s not already.”

Back to Natasha’s POV:

“Does Belly ever tell you, you talk too much?” He was unbelievable.  

Jeremiah replied nonchalantly, “All the time.” And with that, I knew I was falling in love with him. I knew I could never have him though. Most of all, I knew this would hurt me more than it had before. I hadn’t been in love with my ex, even if I had thought I was because the pain pressing down my chest right now was one I hadn’t known existed before.

I was smiling wide, but my emotions underneath sparked a single tear from my right eye that I was too entranced in my thoughts to remove.

It was too late. I felt the warmth of his finger touch my right cheek. I looked at his lips for a split second but snapped right out of it. I couldn’t look into his eyes because I knew I’d either cry or fall harder. I looked past his shoulder as the song I always wished to dance with my dream guy near a fully lit gazebo one day echoed in the distance.

I focused on the crystal-clear glass ornaments on the trees hoping I’d get lost in the decorations him and I had worked on earlier. The twinkling lights all around reflected through the glass, though he was enough to be mesmerized by.

I wanted nothing more than to lay my head on his shoulder as we danced. Since I couldn’t, I daydreamed about it until the song came to a close.

I wished we hadn’t locked eyes, and I wished he hadn’t smiled at me because I knew it was a friendly smile, nothing more. I tried to fake a smile, but even I wouldn’t have believed me.

He tried to go in for a hug, but I awkwardly just shook his hand. His brows furrowed in confusion, but he would move on from this moment the same way he’d move on from all of this.

I watched him as he searched for her.